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I am a widowed mother of two girls (an 8 year old and a 14 month old), working at a hospital. I have been at this job for about 8 months.

My baby has been sick a few times, therefore I've had to stay home with her. I have even taken her to the hospital where I work, so they know about her sickness. Our physicians told me to keep the baby at home. I have no family to help me when these situations come up.

I have been written up by HR for being absent or being late to office when I had to take care of her. I have contacted my boss and communicated my situation. My boss loves my job performance, I am getting my hours in. I have even hired a sitter to stay with my girls so I can work in the evenings to make up time.

However, there is no empathy from HR, and I feel like the HR Director is trying to get me fired. Other employees don't get written up for similar reasons.

Are there any legal protections for widowed mothers with regards to employment, and workplace disciplinary procedures?

IDrinkandIKnowThings
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    You may be able to discuss flexitime or working from home or renegotiate how many days or hours you work with your manager. But, as for your legal options, that's something you need to discuss with a lawyer. – Bernhard Barker Sep 12 '17 at 20:59
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    I agree and sympathize with you, but you will likely have to take legal pathways or get someone you work for that has power on your side to push the internal politics. If it's a healthcare facility legal ramifications usually will make them clean house rather than face legal charges, but you never know. Either way you need support. – mutt Sep 12 '17 at 21:00
  • Unfortunately there is not likely a good answer anyone can give as this look to be a legal matter that you need to contact a lawyer for. If it were me I would try to contact HR and see if there is something you can work out due to the unfortunate situation. If they are unwilling to work with you then your only real option is to contact a lawyer for advice. GL and all the best! – Sierra Mountain Tech Sep 12 '17 at 21:03
  • While there is no legal protection for widowed mothers, many company have guidelines that disallow any discrimination due to reasons that are not work-related. – gnasher729 Sep 12 '17 at 23:51
  • Other than the write ups, do you have any evidence that the HR lady is out to get you? Is she unnecessarily mean to you? Does she treat you differently than others? Does she have any reason to want to get rid of you other than the fact that you come in late? – AffableAmbler Sep 13 '17 at 03:16
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    No, there is no protection against discrimination against widows. There are however protections for family members of sick people (such as your child) in the form of FMLA. Look up the rules regarding that. You don't even have to invoke FMLA to be protected by it. – Glen Pierce Sep 13 '17 at 13:10
  • "Other employees don't get written up for similar reasons." If this is true, you could talk with a lawyer. – Neo Sep 13 '17 at 15:18
  • If you're in the US you can be fired for almost any reason or no reason. Your child being sick too often is one of the reasons you can be fired for. – Magisch Sep 13 '17 at 15:47
  • @gnasher729 Not being at work and working is work related though, so I'm not sure what you're getting at. – Andy Sep 13 '17 at 16:53
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    Not an exact duplicate, but may be helpful. https://workplace.stackexchange.com/q/65867/3192 – Masked Man Sep 13 '17 at 17:51
  • @Andy: "Other employees don't get written up for similar reasons". If A takes time off and is written up, and B takes time off and isn't written up, that's discrimination, and not work related. – gnasher729 Sep 13 '17 at 20:21
  • @gnasher729 "Other employees don't get written up for similar reasons". Its extremely unlikely the OP knows that is the case. And even if true, whether its discrimination or not is irrelevant, unless the OP can ALSO show the discrimination is against a protected class, and not something like A has worked at the company < 1 year, and B has been there 15 years. Also pretty unlikely. – Andy Sep 13 '17 at 22:51
  • @GlenPierce: wrong. FMLA protection only kicks in after person has worked there for a year (fulltime). OP clearly says "I have been at this job for about 8 months". You really shouldn't post incorrect information, or at minimum google your facts before posting, not speculate. – smci Apr 06 '19 at 15:39

3 Answers3

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First and foremost HR IS NOT YOUR FRIEND

The unfortunate truth is that you are, in fact, violating policy by being late and being absent and there is no legal protection against that.

To assume that an employer will be compassionate is to set yourself up for failure.

Your employer does not care that you are going through hell and they are not legally obligated to make life easier for you. The fact that they extend a courtesy to others does not mean that you are being discriminated against, it only means that you are not being extended a courtesy. Part of that is likely the fact that you are a new employee. Someone who has been there for 20 years has a history with people and will get leeway that you won't. That isn't discrimination, that is simply life.

Now, to address your core concern. Since you have no family, go to friends, go to a church, temple, charity, ANYTHING you can find to help you with childcare. You need to find a way to make it so that someone other than you can handle emergencies during work hours.

Get the process going with church, temple, mosque, friends, groups that can help you and then talk to HR about how you are working to make your home life more stable and ask for leniency on that point.

Ultimately, it is up to you to make sure that family issues do not affect your job. It is an unkind fact, but a fact nonetheless. You owe it to your children to take any and every step you can to preserve your employment. Don't hope that the employer will care, because they don't.

Old_Lamplighter
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    This is essentially I would give only phrase it not that they don't care (because they actually might) but the way I've told people I've had to put on notice because of situations like this is that "it's not their problem". They may genuinely feel for her and want to help her, but that's not their problem. That she has problems is unfortunate but doesn't change the fact that the organization still has work that needs to be done and done in a certain way within certain policies. +1 – Chris E Sep 12 '17 at 21:24
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    I think being late and absent. Yes the reason is legitimate, but after so many there is usually a policy for escalation. Verbal warning -> Written Up -> Disciplinary Action. That's pretty standard, regardless of the validity of it. – Nelson Sep 13 '17 at 05:56
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    Your employer does not care that you are going through hell - that is probably not true. They are not willing to tolerate this activity, but that doesn't mean that they do not care at all about what she is going through. – IDrinkandIKnowThings Sep 13 '17 at 15:25
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    @IDrinkandIKnowThings I think the meaning of Richard's comment about the employer not caring is the employer as an entity; you're referring to other individual employees within the employer. Until the actual business makes caring about your well-being/whatever/you as an individual part of its mission statement as a company, then no, the company does not really care about you, even if some other employees do. – code_dredd Sep 13 '17 at 16:55
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    @ray - I think you are wrong on that. Just because it is unable or unwilling to change policies to accommodate you does not mean it doesn't care about you. You are part of the company, and your success is its success. most companies are not uncaring behemoths. Even if it feels like they are sometimes. – IDrinkandIKnowThings Sep 13 '17 at 17:04
  • @IDrinkandIKnowThings I'm not so sure about that. I think employee care, if any, is a function that's inversely proportional to the size of the company. Hospitals tend to be large; in all likelihood, there're enough mgmt layers to make those at lower levels only show up as numbers in a spreadsheet to actual decision makers. At those levels, no one cares about who employee on row 6,547 is; that's a side-effect of the inherently large/impersonal structure. "What? Stacked-Ranking says E6547 is less than E3581? Lay it off & replace it." I worked yrs at a big place; never met upper mgmt face2face. – code_dredd Sep 13 '17 at 17:53
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    @ray - You might be surprised to find out that your upper management never interacted with you because your manager took care of all those things. When my mother died i was surprised who at the company took time to come share condolences at the family. People she had never met or worked directly with but whom she had impacted at CAT showed up. Just because you do not feel the caring at the time does not mean there is no care there. – IDrinkandIKnowThings Sep 13 '17 at 17:59
  • @IDrinkandIKnowThings I understand what you mean, and generally agree. However, I still think you're treating the employer/company and the other individuals/employees (i.e. the ones that do care) as if they were one and the same. Maybe that's not a distinction I'd be willing to draw myself and think there's a meaningful difference between talking about the employer (i.e. the business entity) and the employees that happen to be your peers, etc. – code_dredd Sep 13 '17 at 18:03
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    @ray - I know what you are saying, I am disagreeing with you that there is a difference between the company and the people who work for it. Ill agree they dont care who employee # 6,547 is. But that does not mean that employee #6547 is not important to them. Even if they had to choose to lay them off. The treatment is business not personal. – IDrinkandIKnowThings Sep 13 '17 at 18:05
  • @ray - See this:https://workplace.stackexchange.com/q/65867/16 to see what i mean. – IDrinkandIKnowThings Sep 13 '17 at 18:12
  • @IDrinkandIKnowThings Your ref is specifically about a small company, not a large one like we were discussing. In addition, its clear that, just like OP here, the company is about to throw the guy under the bus. They're trying alternatives before getting there, but when push comes to shove (i.e. decision time arrives), he'll get laid off, just like OP here, unless they both stop affecting the business negatively. Compare that with HR threatening you and it'll be an entirely different conversation b/c there won't be any. HR is not there to help you; it's there to preserve itself (i.e. the corp) – code_dredd Sep 13 '17 at 18:50
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About the only protection you have in this regard is the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA). Which is better than nothing but it is not going to protect you in the situations described in the question.

Your employer has sent you strong messages that it is not going to tolerate your attendance issues.

However, there is no empathy from HR, and I feel like the HR Director is trying to get me fired.

If they were trying to get you fired, by the descriptions you provided above they have plenty of reason to terminate your employment if that was their desire. They are providing you these warnings to let you know that the behavior can not continue if you want to keep your job. That says to me they do not want to fire you.

But they have no obligation to make allowances for your tardiness and absenteeism. And they have let you know that they will not be making allowances for your situation. So its up to you to change the behavior or face losing your job.

Other employees don't get written up for similar reasons.

You do not actually know this. Most disciplinary actions taken against employees are done privately and confidentially. It is also possible that the write-ups are as far as the company is likely to ever go. I have worked for a company that liked to issue write-ups for people when they were late or absent, but never actually fired anyone for that. But those people also did not get promotions, or advance either. I would never count on this for the security of my family, but it is a real possibility.

You need to change how you handle your responsibilities to your family and your employer if you want to improve on this issue. The problem is your employer needs to be able to plan for the appropriate coverage. Your showing up late or missing work could cause them to fail to meet coverage requirements.

Plan Ahead:
Chances are you know when your child is sick 8 or more hours before work. You need to be planning on how you are going to be able to deal with this illness and your work. You need to find out what are the options you have? Can you swap shifts with someone? Can you get someone to take care of your child while you work?

You may have to make tough choices about how you care for your child or find a job that is willing to work with you on a more flexible basis. Billions of people have children and manage their lives. Their situation is different than yours, but its because they have organized their life differently. You need to make changes unless you are willing to risk losing your job.

IDrinkandIKnowThings
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You work in a situation where apparently your tardiness equates to a whole lot of disruption. There is FMLA, if you are in the United States, but I've always had the idea that FMLA is moreso designed for longer-term concerns and not for last-minute lapses.

As a single parent, I can relate the frustration you feel when you're in a crunch. But when I'm in a similar crunch, that doesn't obligate everyone else at my job to stop their lives on my behalf. In my current job, I'm glad that I haven't had to raise any serious issue regarding care for my child, and I'm sure they'd allow me to work from home -- for a short period -- while stuff gets resolved. But this is not a privilege I want to take for granted.

That said - if your employer can't accommodate you, and there are no work-from-home opportunities, then maybe you'd be best with some other employment that's more suited to your reality. You can't change your employer's policy, and you can't stop your child from being sick, so you must change what you can -- yourself. Best of luck.

Xavier J
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