74

Very few people get my name the first time they hear it. I'm used to always spelling it out or repeating it in social situations. It's not a complicated name at all (only 5 letters), the sound is a bit difficult for native english speakers to understand in one go.

At work however, this can get really annoying. You're always meeting new people and introducing yourself to them. It just doesn't have the same 'impact' when you always have to correct the other person and spell out your name.

I really don't want to adopt an alias or a nickname that sounds western. Is there any other way I can introduce myself? Should I just spell my name out every time before someone even asks so that I don't have to repeat myself?

  • I think if you gave out your actual name, we probably can give you more concrete ideas on how to introduce it. We are just getting sidetracked by all the commentators regarding their own names. – Nelson Jul 08 '16 at 08:18
  • 9
    @Nelson - If the OP gave out their name then all the advice would be about how to help someone pronounce that specific name rather than advice about how to help someone pronounce names in general. Advice on how to pronounce one name is not helpful to future visitors who will have different names. – BSMP Jul 08 '16 at 14:57
  • 22
    ProTip: omit the underscore from your name. It will surely help people. – user13655 Jul 08 '16 at 16:58
  • 9
    This is what business cards are for. – user207421 Jul 09 '16 at 18:02

12 Answers12

104

I think the issue hinges two things: first, on whether spelling your name helps people say it. Sometimes it doesn't: consider Aoife, pronounced "ee-fuh". Spelling that is only going to add confusion.

Second, on whether people are "othering" you by not recognizing your name, stumbling over it, getting you to say it again and again, making faces like "what kind of name is that?" You say you find it annoying and you need to correct them. I can't tell if it's the othering that's annoying, or something else.

I might settle for people not pronouncing it correctly rather than correcting them, especially if correcting them is exaggerating the disconnect you're feeling. For example, when I was in France, people said "ket" or even "ketty" when I told them my name was Kate. They can clearly recognize that "ay" sound - words like bébé (baybay) have that sound - but they could not say my name. I gave up and became Ket to French people (I drew the line at Ketty, I am not Katie and that's that.) If people are getting your name mostly right, and you know who they're talking about when they say their attempt at your name, consider letting it go.

Having an unusual name is generally a positive. People remember you better than one of the many Scott, Brian, or Steve people cluttering up the place. Try to keep that positive by liking your name and liking the process of telling people your name.

Stephan Bijzitter
  • 694
  • 6
  • 10
Kate Gregory
  • 150,088
  • 64
  • 339
  • 452
  • 13
    Excellent advice. That's exactly what happens to me. I'm in the UK, so people here have a 'british way' of pronouncing my name. I feel hesitant to just say it like they do (would make it easier for them) because I don't want to mispronounce my own name. I guess I should just leave it to them to give their best, would definitely take some getting used to. –  Jul 06 '16 at 11:23
  • 54
    As a frenchman, I plead guilty as charged..... – gazzz0x2z Jul 06 '16 at 13:56
  • 19
    @IAA_ Honestly I don't pronounce my own name very often unless I'm meeting someone new. People will mostly hear how other people pronounce your name. So if it bothers you, find a couple of colleagues who can do it properly, and make it a point to them to do it right. Other colleagues will notice the difference, and, in all likelihood, will try to mimic it and ask you to teach them. Honestly you can't expect someone to pronounce a foreign name correctly on their first, or even tenth try. Some people take months or years to get rid of an accent, including when pronouncing names. – Ordous Jul 06 '16 at 16:49
  • 26
    Not to detract from the bother of people getting your name wrong, @KateGregory, but our "ay" sound ([ei] or [ɛi]) is different from the [e] sound of é in French (bébé isn't pronounced baybay). Apart from that, as far as I know, é does not occur in closed syllables (those that end in a consonant sound) -- am I right, @gazzz0x2z? But the [ɛ] sound of "bet" does, e.g. in bête. So perhaps that is why people said "ket" -- it is closer to syllables that occur in real French words. – Rosie F Jul 06 '16 at 18:12
  • 2
    This is a good answer from my experience. My first name is pretty unique and it happens that nearly all Indians cannot pronounce it correctly, so I just got used to it being incorrectly pronounced. It also turns out everyone remembers my name because it is quite unique. – enderland Jul 06 '16 at 19:17
  • I have this same issue with my last name, and I've learned to just roll with whatever people decide to call me. I rarely correct people now unless I have to, even if they get my first name wrong (which is a very common name that I try to avoid going by). I worked in call centers for many years, so I'm a bit more jaded then most. As long as they don't call me late for dinner, I'll respond to anything :) – Taegost Jul 06 '16 at 20:52
  • @RosieF I plead guilty too as a french guy :) In french some people I know are named Kate, and the spelling is really /Kah/Teh if I follow that phonetic chart there. The problem is really the last e of the name, in french its not spelled (so its a unspeak vowel in that situation) and the K take all the place (why it sound like /ket/ for an english person) Katie in french would be a in between for the sound of Kate in english, as it force the last vowel spelling, like Kah/Teh/ee/ – yagmoth555 Jul 06 '16 at 23:54
  • 1
    It seems to me that a French person, pronouncing "kaite" as if it were French, would come reasonably close to a correct pronunciation of "Kate". – Andreas Blass Jul 07 '16 at 00:58
  • 1
    Oof! Take that Scott, Brian and Steve! Just messing the place up!! – RemarkLima Jul 07 '16 at 05:59
  • 8
    I've just remembered the singer Margaret Tate. "Finding that her surname was generally mispronounced in France, she changed it from Tate to Teyte before joining the Opéra-Comique in Paris." (Wikipedia) – Rosie F Jul 07 '16 at 06:58
  • 6
    A friend of mine is called Rogier, in Denmark they just called him Bob – Kevin Jul 07 '16 at 08:13
  • @Kevin I almost blurped my tea out – Andy K Jul 07 '16 at 10:04
  • "Having an unusual name is generally a positive." So thought [Kazundo Gouda](http://ghostintheshell.wikia.com/wiki/Kazundo_Gouda "Gouda's name is difficult to pronounce, as demonstrated by Daisuke Aramaki's mispronunciation of the kanji of his given name as "Hitori"") ;) – Tobias Kienzler Jul 07 '16 at 11:14
  • 5
    My daughter is named Aoife, and when she started elementary school she quickly got into the habit of introducing herself, especially to adults, as "Aoife A-O-I-F-E it's an Irish name," to forestall the inevitable. – mxyzplk Jul 07 '16 at 12:25
  • 2
    @mxyzplk Your username is too appropriate for this conversation. – Harris Jul 07 '16 at 14:00
  • 2
    @AndreasBlass: If were French (rhyming with faite), it would be pronounced like English -- exactly the way that Kate Gregory says they did pronounce her name. (Faite rhymes with cette.) I think the closest French approximation to the diphthong of English "Kate" would be the <-eil(l)(e)-> of abeille, pareil, vieillir, la Marseillaise; but a word that ended in that sound plus /t/ would be difficult for a French person to pronounce, analogous to an English word that ended in the diphthong of plus the consonant of <-ing>. – ruakh Jul 08 '16 at 05:01
  • I completely feel your pain with this one. My forename is common in the UK but my surname is extremely unique as it a shortened version (5 letters) of a name that descended from Polish. No matter how I say it, spell it out, even phonetically, it's almost always gotten wrong. I've all but given up now and most of the time I just say it once, the person typically repeats it as confirmation and I just agree with whatever they come up with. Trying to correct them tends to take multiple attempts and to me its just not worth the awkwardness – Darren H Jul 09 '16 at 09:33
  • Actually I've heard about studies that show hiring managers are less likely to call back a candidate with an unusual name, all other things being equal. Anyway, as someone whose real name is very ethnic and difficult to pronounce the first time, I can't tell you how many times I've wished for it to be something easy and common. It was most definitely not a positive for me professionally or in academia. – The Unknown Dev Jul 10 '16 at 14:28
  • @Ordous - I think I've seen your idea work in practice. When people notice a second person pronouncing a name differently, they're going to make an effort themselves. – blispr Jul 12 '16 at 19:13
31

People who won't be contacting you in writing, or not right away, don't need to know the spelling of your name now. Stick with having a solid, clear pronunciation that people can memorize and repeat.

The solution to the ritual problem of spelling out names is the business card. Make a batch of those and hand them out to people who are likely to need to know how your name is written.

You can have contact cards even if you're not self-employed.

Another solution is to wear a name tag, even though you aren't a conference or trade show. If some new people are coming into your organization, it could be helpful.

Kaz
  • 2,652
  • 15
  • 13
  • 4
    For a lot of people, seeing the spelling of an unfamiliar name (or word) is a huge help to pronouncing it correctly. – David Z Jul 07 '16 at 00:42
  • @DavidZ: For most such names, the spelling is of no substantial help whatsoever. – Lightness Races in Orbit Jul 07 '16 at 09:33
  • 10
    @LightnessRacesinOrbit Yes, but if you pronounce it correctly when you introduce yourself, then hand over a business card they should be able to remember roughly the pronunciation and can then associate that with the written name. A lot of English speakers, though, will simply just anglicize the pronunciation of anything that is outside the English repertoire of phonology - for anyone but English speakers this is usually called "an accent", but for English speakers it's oddly often just considered "wrong". The easiest thing to do if people don't get it right is usually just to let it go. – J... Jul 07 '16 at 10:53
  • @J.. Yes indeed. – Lightness Races in Orbit Jul 07 '16 at 10:56
  • for anyone but English speakers this is usually called "an accent" @J... For regular words sure, but I've never seen this work with a person's name. With names you either get it right or you don't. – BSMP Jul 07 '16 at 18:12
  • This. From the professional standpoint, it rarely matters to pronounce the name right, but spelling it in business documentation matters. – svavil Jul 08 '16 at 16:03
  • it rarely matters to pronounce the name right You don't think getting a client or colleague's name wrong makes a bad impression? – BSMP Jul 11 '16 at 14:17
  • @BSMP pronouncing names wrongly makes a bad impression. Writing a name wrongly in a travel document will cost you time, effort and money. Hence, my statement that writing is more important. – svavil Jul 28 '16 at 19:59
  • @svavil Both always matter even if misspellings on forms can cause more damage. – BSMP Jul 28 '16 at 20:24
26

When you introduce yourself, say your name slowly and distinctly putting emphasis on the harder to pronounce sound, that's about all you can do.

Otherwise join the millions of other people in the same situation and use a transliterated version or just ignore mispronunciations.

My name is hard for people to pronounce here even if I spell it to them, the local language doesn't have one of the sounds, other languages have the sounds but not in that consonant/vowel combination, so I'm known as Kilisi. Transliteration is a very common way of dealing with this issue. It's only a problem if you make it one.

Kilisi
  • 222,118
  • 122
  • 486
  • 793
14

Two possibilities:

  1. Find an English word that has the same vowel/consonant sound that people are getting wrong in your name or a word your name rhymes with and use that to explain the pronunciation. So if your name was Kal-el, you could say, "It's Kal-el like Cal-ifornia."

  2. Create a mnemonic device for your name. This should be for the pronunciation, not the spelling, so you want something for the syllables not each letter of your name.

Either way, do go ahead and give the pronunciation hint when introduced. It's not considered rude to help people get your name right so it won't be seen as rude or odd. Afterward, if they get it wrong you can just say, "Actually, it's [name]" and leave it at that.

BSMP
  • 11,647
  • 6
  • 39
  • 54
  • 4
    If your name is something alien like "Kal-El" its probably better to adopt an alias the people of the metropolis you live in can pronounce. –  Jul 08 '16 at 00:20
  • 1
    It's kinda hard to suggest ways for the OP to introduce themselves, if they don't mention their name... – Mazura Jul 08 '16 at 06:25
  • 1
    @Mazura - I think it makes sense not to: the advice is meant to be helpful for future visitors with the same problem and they won't all have the OP's name. – BSMP Jul 08 '16 at 14:46
8

Seeing that this was tagged under professionalism, I think the situation should be considered.

If you are in retail, and you are trying to sell a customer something, then correcting them when they say your name wrong or spelling it out will most likely hurt your possibility of a sale. If you meet a lot of people in a day, and the people you meet are transitory, you may want to consider just letting them get your name wrong. Why go through the trouble of getting them to remember your name if you don't see them again or very often? Even if it is a person you work with on a daily basis, you may want to let it slide. The person may eventually come around to saying it correctly.

I have worked with people who have names that are tonal and/or contain letters not in our alphabet. But, after time, I started being able to say their name properly. Having people in the workplace always hearing you correct people's pronunciation of your name might lead to negative thoughts. I would be careful doing such a thing with a boss, unless you knew their personality and thought it would not adversely affect their view of you.

HarePin
  • 81
  • 1
  • 1
    Likely not the situation, but +1 for keeping the answers complete. –  Jul 06 '16 at 17:37
5

I sympathise as I have a non western spelling of a common-ish western name (think of Aleks instead of Alex) and my surname looks like a commonly used English word, but has a completely different pronunciation (š becomes s when moving into a latin alphabet as an example).

What I have found easiest for me ultimately is to let them pronounce my name incorrectly, unless they ask for the correct pronunciation. Most people give me a nickname, and though I never introduce myself with the nickname, I don't get offended when people use it.

As for spelling out your name, you will just come across as touchy based on my experience. For a little while I had how to pronounce my name in my email (since I would get at least a question once a week about either my first or surname) but a couple people noted I came off the wrong way. I personally don't care too much, I just wanted to save myself the effort of writing the same email so often.

fib112358
  • 137
  • 5
  • 1
    I've had some colleagues that had the phonetic pronunciation of their name in their e-mail sig & a few interview candidates that had it on their CV — personally, as someone who wants to (attempt to) get your name right, I think this is a great idea. – anotherdave Jul 09 '16 at 11:03
4

I think that an important distinction here is between people you will be interacting minimally with, and people you will be commonly interacting with.

For those people you meet that you will be minimally interacting with - think people in other departments, clients if you're not in a primarily client-facing position, or upper management, I concur that allowing minor mispronunciations is the better answer. If they don't ask how to pronounce your name, and they say something that's sufficiently clear, you're better off not correcting it; it's too complicated to do that frequently, anyway, and it definitely adds an unnecessary complication to the interaction that may make one or both of you feel uncomfortable. (Still correct them if they get it sufficiently wrong that you're uncomfortable, or that they may not know who you are - think "Jack" instead of "Mack", if they switch those two it's possible they think you're a different person!)

However, if this is someone you will be interacting with regularly, I would encourage you to give them the right pronunciation off the bat. Nothing's more uncomfortable to me than finding out that, six months into an interaction with someone, I've been mispronouncing her name. I appreciate knowing up front how to pronounce names when I'm going to be using them frequently; often I ask, but in cases where I may not be aware I'm mispronouncing it, it's nice to get that feedback early on rather than later.

Joe
  • 16,050
  • 3
  • 40
  • 76
  • 1
    For those people you meet that you will be minimally interacting with - think people in other departments - Fair warning: You want to be sure you'll only be interacting minimally if you go for the "ignore it" route. As uncomfortable as it is getting corrected 6 months later, it's just as bad having to do the correction (or wanting to do it but avoiding it because it's been so long). – BSMP Jul 07 '16 at 07:59
3

Since this is about professionalism, if it takes a long time to explain your name correctly consider using business cards. While business cards can be awkward, there are many situations where explaining your name for an entire minute is even more so.

The following advice is not always applicable, and doesn't work with all names.

If you can, find a simple way to explain the name, using a known word and replacing/adding/subtracting a single letter :

Hiran - Spelled like the country of Iran, with an H in front.

Peta - Spelled like the bread, except with an e instead of an i.

Even better if there's someone famous. In another answer someone says she had trouble with the name Kate:

Kate, like the princess.

Of course all these add connotations. If it adds a connotation you want to avoid, don't use this (e.g. "Lakshit, like _ and _, without the e")!

Community
  • 1
Peter
  • 14,539
  • 2
  • 30
  • 52
  • 4
    Is that first word mean to be "Lake" or "Leak"? I mean either way its still a horrible image, I just want to know how horrified to be. –  Jul 08 '16 at 00:22
  • 1
    When it works with your name, this is a good strategy. People who aren't familiar with "Milo" often think I'm saying "Miles" or "Myler"(?), so having a quick comparison prepared like "it rhymes with Silo" or "like Milo & Otis" is helpful for me. – Milo P Jul 08 '16 at 20:08
2

By far and away the easiest solution to this would be to adopt a shortened version of your name which is easier for people to grasp, in the same way that Richard would be shortened to Rich, or William to Bill/Will. If it works, I'd take the first syllable of your name, although there may be other options, depending on the name and the culture.

There would be no problem with you having a shortened "Goes By", and using the full name in any more formal communications.

Jozef Woods
  • 1,296
  • 1
  • 9
  • 5
  • 3
    Shorten a 5 letter name? – theblindprophet Jul 06 '16 at 11:07
  • Apologies, didn't see that bit. Possibly a better phrasing on my part would be to "simplify"? Essentially adapting your name to make introductions and social situations easier. There's no formal methodology to this, and it would just be something you do to make your life easier. – Jozef Woods Jul 06 '16 at 11:09
  • 13
    OP specifically mentioned he doesn't want to change his name or adopt an alias. Please read the entire question and not just the title before submitting an answer. – Lilienthal Jul 06 '16 at 11:10
  • @Lilienthal sometimes you don't have a choice though. I've actually thought of changing my last name because nobody gets it right outside of Germany. – Old_Lamplighter Jul 06 '16 at 13:38
  • 2
    @theblindprophet "Allen" becomes "Al", and "Brian" becomes "Bri" (less common), and Katie sometimes becomes "Cat". In general, from multi-syllable to single syllable. – BrianH Jul 06 '16 at 15:42
  • This is elitist and insensitive. – Xavier J Jul 07 '16 at 16:29
  • @Lilienthal - shortening your name might not be considered the same thing as changing it. – komodosp Jul 08 '16 at 10:00
  • @colmde - They said they didn't want to use a nickname, which is what this answer is suggesting they do. I'm not necessarily against telling someone who asked a question that the solution they want to avoid is the only one available but this answer reads like they missed that part of the question, not like they think this is the only viable option. – BSMP Jul 08 '16 at 14:55
1

I deal with this myself. What works well is to enunciate the separate syllables of my first name, and to give a deliberate pause between my name and the word following. It breaks the "default" cadence of people hearing but not really listening.

Xavier J
  • 42,848
  • 10
  • 86
  • 146
1

EDIT: Cleaned up some bad wording, I was in a hurry earlier.

Is there any other way I can introduce myself?

Introduce your name with a sentence that is short and simple, and where it is clear which of the words is your name. "Hello! My name is XXXXX." Say the sentence in a normal voice; if you tend to speak quickly, then try your best to slow down just a little bit. Don't overdo it. Make sure that there is a pause immediately after your name. Not a long heavy pause, just a little bit of time to let it sink in.

Avoid something like "Hello, I'm xxx and I work at yyy". If you speak that one quickly, it will just go over their head.

Should I just spell my name out every time before someone even asks so that I don't have to repeat myself?

Definitely not!

Is it possible that this is more of a self-esteem issue than a spelling issue? Did you have problems with your name in school, have you been bullied because of it?

Spelling out your name (especially without being asked about it by the other party) would just lower yourself, and make it awkward for everybody.

It is really the job of the other person to "get" your name, to spell and pronounce it correctly. Some people don't care about things like this - just accept that. It's neither good nor bad, it just is. You are not your name, your name has no magic powers over you.

Other people may be fascinated and ask you about your name; this is perfectly normal as well. In this case, talk about your name; tell them what it means in your native language, tell a little story, and at the end maybe spell it out for them. Don't bore them, have a few small facts ready.

As a comparison: my own name is Germanic (old nordic German), and written in an unusual fashion. If I meet people, I tell them may name and they usually "get it". They never guess the spelling though, because it cannot be deduced from the sound. So I deliver the spelling immediately when somebody (a clerk maybe) is about to write/type my name.

In casual settings, I tell people two ways to abbreviate it (for example when they need to yell something at me during sports). This way, they know that I am fine with the abbreviation. There is also a well known movie in my country which has a main character of the same name; if I am in a really comfortable group I give a few funny quotes from that movie, making sure to let everyone know that I am very easy about all of this. In no-nonsense high-brow but yet relaxed situations, I am able to tell people what the name means, as well as link it to literature from 900 A.D. . :)

This approach (which obviously does not apply to you, directly) takes all kind of tension or awkwardness straight out, and I find people still use my full name just fine. My own story is of course not applicable to business life, but maybe you find some inspiration.

AnoE
  • 9,001
  • 18
  • 37
0

You say:

"I really don't want to adopt an alias or a nickname that sounds western."

Don't have illusions, this is what they will think:

"Then you hadn't ever to leave the south/east."

And the worst thing is that they will be right.

The reason:

You show very clearly that you won't integrate into them, instead you want their integration to you. This is not how things are going, first because you are the foreigner and not they, second because if you want them to make your goal (task) to integrate so easy as possible, they have every right to want the same from your side.

Of course they won't ever admit it, but earlier or later they will find a way to solve your problem while they avoid the restrictions of the so-named political correctness. On the long-term, the only thing what works if they cooperate with you not because of they must, but because they want to.

Actually, there are much larger obstacles, for example the highly different customs and culture in which you grow up, your alien native language and pronouncation (also don't have illusions: if you are not a language talent, every native speaker will hear it on the first spot until you live), and if you aren't cooperative in such a small thing as the pronouncation of your name, what will you do in more important tasks?

I, also as a "foreigner" in the so-named "west", did the following:

  1. I tested them, how do they pronounce my name if they know only the written form. Since that, I spell my name on their way.

  2. I had also luck, having multiple names, some of them is western-compatible, so I narrowed down the actually said ones to them.

These sound maybe too radical for you, but it is only because you are an egoist and cultural imperialist. Actually, they were only little steps on a long way. Actually, there were reasons that you left your home country, probably strong reasons and these strong reasons mean also high price. And now you have to pay. And this is a very little price.

Gray Sheep
  • 1
  • 8
  • 28
  • 48
  • Read this fast, it seems this answer isn't enough "west-conform"... – Gray Sheep Jul 09 '16 at 18:04
  • 2
    'you are an egoist and cultural imperialist' because I don't want to change my name? Maybe try being a little less judgemental when answering questions next time. –  Jul 09 '16 at 18:14
  • @IAA_ Yes. Being a foreigner, you need to learn their language and not enforcing yours to them. You can't constrain them to learn your language, you are under constraint to learn their. The main problem behind that, that if you aren't cooperative with them enough, you harm the reputation of every foreigners in their eyes, and so you make the tasks much harder for anybody with a fate similar to your. Do you understand? It is not only from your (our) fate, it is about that we follow them, or we fight them. Do the first, this leads to a world which is so beautiful as their, and not the second. – Gray Sheep Jul 09 '16 at 18:19
  • 2
    I'm not forcing anyone to learn my language. I just want them to be able to say my name, just my name, that's ONE five letter word. –  Jul 09 '16 at 18:21
  • @IAA_ Exactly this is what you can't do. Not even in the case of a single word. If they are curious to the original pronouncation, and you explain it to them, it is a highly friendly action from them, and you are every reason to be happy if it happens. But you can't want it from them. Don't forget: we are too many here, it is like the USA in the 1600s, and now they are the indians. This is why they are so sensitive, and honestly, they have also right! – Gray Sheep Jul 09 '16 at 18:24
  • 1
    In fact, since you are just straight up insulting me in this answer, just want point out that your grammar is terrible. So maybe, just maybe, it's you who hasn't 'integrated' properly. –  Jul 09 '16 at 18:25
  • 1
    I never said that I expected them to pronounce my name exactly how a native from my country would. –  Jul 09 '16 at 18:27
  • @IAA_ Yes, but I commit every possible to be so cooperative as it is possible. This is why my bad grammar isn't a big problem. Somehow it happens exclusively if somebody wants to insult me :-), and somehow we understand eachother very well with anybody in a cooperative context. Your situation with the pronouncation of your name is very similar. – Gray Sheep Jul 09 '16 at 18:28
  • @IAA_ You wanted an alien pronouncation from them (i.e. which is a pronouncation on your language and not on their). The spelling of a name is a little thing, we are literate people, what matters it is the written form. And the name symbolizes you on a pseudo-magical way of thinking. It is also a very characteristic way to show your cooperativity. – Gray Sheep Jul 09 '16 at 18:31
  • @IAA_ Btw, I don't know, in which language are you talking with them (German? French? English?), but imagine what you feel reading my grammar. This is what they feel if they hear you to talk. – Gray Sheep Jul 09 '16 at 18:35
  • @IAA_ Another argument: if they are curious to the original pronouncation, it means they like you, they are accepting you. Don't enforce this, instead of it do everything to be enough good to make it from themselfes and not because you want it. – Gray Sheep Jul 09 '16 at 18:38