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What are some ways I can practice increasing my conversational skills?

I don't consider myself a shy person, but I am definitely more on the introverted side. My written communication skills are excellent, but I tend to get tongue tied when speaking, often because I'm not the best at "thinking on my feet". I can write a stellar cover letter, but kill an interview because I can't speak as fluidly (for example)

I am not afraid to step out of my comfort zone for the sake of networking or (attempting) leadership, but feel that I am very awkward at making small talk, or initiating general conversation. I'm a much better listener and advice giver than I am a conversationalist.

What are some methods to overcome this?

IndigoJane
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  • possible duplicate of How can I overcome my fear of public speaking? – gnat Jul 05 '15 at 23:44
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    I disagree. I can speak in front of crowds, I often participate in staff meetings, group discussions, etc. I do not have any type of fear of speaking – IndigoJane Jul 05 '15 at 23:47
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    I see, thanks. Consider [edit]ing the question to let readers see that this is not the issue (people often miss clarifications given in comments) – gnat Jul 05 '15 at 23:53
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    I'm a much better listener and advice giver than I am a conversationalist Don't forget conversations are 2-way interactions (or more with a group). If you're better at listening, be the one to ask questions and show interest. People generally like talking when you show interest, unless they're busy or something. – Brandin Jul 06 '15 at 05:48
  • related: http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/25768/how-can-i-sell-myself-within-the-office/25771?s=3|0.0780#25771 (my advice there is "ask questions" and it applies here too.) – Kate Gregory Jul 06 '15 at 12:56

2 Answers2

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  1. LISTEN - listen to what they're saying not to what you think they're saying or especially, not to what you want to hear them say or what you wish they had said.

  2. Ask for clarifications if needed. You don't want to be talking past each other and blaming each other when that happens.

  3. Go with the flow. Relax, don't fight it. People who don't know how to swim drown like rats because they are smashing at the water with all four limbs in an effort to keep their heads above water. The instability they create in the hydrodynamics around their body does nothing for their body's buoyancy and guess what - it's the buoyancy that keeps their bodies floating and them alive. Float with the conversation. Don't flail around.

  4. Don't try to control the conversation - if you are talking to an interviewer, you might cut them off from asking questions that they HAVE to ask you to make an evaluation of you, and that will cost you.

  5. Don't speak more than four five sentences at a time. You'll lose the other party's attention with any kind of monologue that lasts longer than 30 to 45 seconds.

  6. I don't do small talk. I am not comfortable with saying "Hello, how are you?" because that greeting, unfortunately for me, acts as a signal to my brain to shut down. So I throw the greeting out the window and get straight to the point. I have had plenty of fascinating off-line and sideline conversations at computer meetups and conferences - not sure if these conversations qualify as small talk but we end up walking away from each other happy that we have learned something from each other and usually without bothering to sy "good bye" :)

Vietnhi Phuvan
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  • Thanks for your answer. I guess I should have clarified that I meant conversing in general, not specifically in an interview. Maybe I will edit my question – IndigoJane Jul 05 '15 at 23:22
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    The answer I gave you applies to every type of conversation, especially interviews. In fact, if you interview in the same way you speak, you get practice. Plenty of it. And of course, you are more comfortable speaking at interviews. We train the way we fight, so that we fight the way we train - and win :) – Vietnhi Phuvan Jul 05 '15 at 23:27
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Normally a fear like yours is simply because you are not confident in what you are saying. It's not that you don't know what you are talking about, and you can write about it easily. However when you are conversing with someone, or in an interview situation, that lack of belief in your own knowledge can be somewhat paralysing.

How do I know this? I'm exactly the same :)

So how do I overcome it? Well, it comes down to reinforcing in your mind that you do know what you are talking about. The knowledge is there. What I do is I pause for a moment to formulate the sentence rather than blurt it all out. Just nod, pause, then you may find that you can articulate quite well when you take the pressure off yourself to respond instantly.

Some of the most interesting and insightful conversationalists are often thoughtful, because they take their time to think before they respond :)

Jane S
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