How do I get my family to respect my home office?

Question

I got my current job a few years ago when the company had a second office near my hometown. A few months later they closed that office and offered me the opportunity to work from home instead. I accepted, as their other office is a few hundred km away from me. I have to come in to the physical office less than once a month now, plus the occasional meeting with customers. This means that on 90% of days I can work from home, wake up at about 8-10 because I don't have to drive to my workplace etc. Except for the lack of interaction with coworkers, it's a situation many people would dream of.

But my parents aren't happy with this arrangement. They are harassing me because they have to wake up at 5:00 "like every other normal working person". They continually ask me favours when I am working. It started with things like opening a jar of jam, then getting my smaller sibling from school, mowing the lawn and things that sometimes take four hours or more - all during work hours. I do my best to cover this up from my boss by taking my mobile phone with me in case somebody calls, and doing the work I missed at night instead. When I refuse to do these tasks I get harassed because I don't help at home like my other sibling (who doesn't have a home office so they can't ask him) and because I am "just sitting at home at the computer".

In their eyes they consider me jobless, with nothing to do, gaming all day because they think computers are just for that and that working people don't sit at home in front of the computer all day. Sometimes they even say things like I should get a job. When other people ask them what I do they often say things like that I am just sitting at home all day in front of the computer, sleeping till 10, etc...

How can I get my family and work-life together, and get my family to respect me and my job?

We are already short on rooms except for a 1squaremeter beside the washing machine and thats not an ideal working condition ;) — sweet home, Oct 03 '14 at 14:03
Comments removed. Please avoid using comments for extended discussion and answers. Instead, please get a room, a chat room and/or post an actual answer. Comments are intended to help improve a post. Please see What "comments" are not... for more details. — Monica Cellio, Oct 05 '14 at 20:35
Good luck, you're facing an uphill battle on getting previous generations to accept the idea of telecommuting. 10 years ago I remember watching an episode of Nanny 911 where the father worked from a home office and the nanny expected him to always be coming out and helping with the kids constantly even though he was clearly working and talking to customers on the phone. That family would really be in trouble if he wasn't working, but they didn't seem to get that and they instead where shaming him for it. — deltaray, Apr 07 '15 at 02:51
Cant you lock down yourself? It doesnt need to be physical but it should be clear that once work time has started for you that you are unavailable for any jar-opening or other disturbances. I can fully understand that this work flow corruption annoys you. — BlueWizard, Aug 09 '15 at 22:59
As someone who works from home, don't blame your family, this is very typical thinking. My neighbours even make comments like "I have it made", everyone who comes into my home thinks I should be able to drop whatever I'm doing at any given time for anything. It took a long time to prove that I'm not some lazy slacker who doesn't do "real work" to old timer in-laws etc. Just stand your ground, repeat "no, I'm working" 18-20 thousand times, wait for your personal wealth to grow and it'll start to ease up. :) — , Jun 05 '16 at 20:02
"In their eyes they consider me jobless". So where does that money on your bank account come from? — Taladris, Mar 21 '17 at 11:05
Piggybacking on enderland's answer below, you could also move your parents out of your house :D. My thinking is that this way, my parents, who have raised me all my life, can get all the new things and the spoils of my income (which usually shuts people up faster than arguing with them). I used to get new things growing up; why should my parents have this benefit as the ones who had raised me :)? — Teacher KSHuang, Mar 21 '17 at 11:05
In the meantime, while you're saving up money to do so, I would just ignore them. I know that ignoring parents is tough, but in the end, I consider it a better method than arguing with my elders. What do you think? — Teacher KSHuang, Mar 21 '17 at 11:05
Are we not missing the point here? They seem to want you to contribute to the household. Ask that if they have chores for you, you need to be told the previous day so that you can organise them around your job, not organise your job around their chores — Preston, Mar 21 '17 at 13:36
You really need to talk to them. I'm still living with my parents (shame on me, but I'm not American, single and it's totally fine there) and as a programmer I work remotely from home sometimes. It took me several years to reach out to my mom, that I earn money with those "games". First of all, I invited her while I was working and named every "game" she saw: IDE, Virtual Machine, website. Then I asked if she wants me to call my boss right now and explain to him personally why I'm not working, delaying the project and making company to lose their and my money. She doesn't interrupt me anymore — Amberta, Mar 21 '17 at 16:22

score 185 · Accepted Answer · edited Jun 16 '20 at 10:59

Simple answer - Move Out

Move out. If you don't want to deal with your parents treating you like a child, you might have to move out to make this happen. It sounds like you have been working FT for several years, too, so are likely old enough this could happen.

If you can't afford it currently start saving money like mad to be able to as soon as possible.

For me? Constantly being made to feel guilty/judged by my parents would take me about 2 seconds to start figuring out how I can move out.

Complicated answer - Talk with Parents

Here's the reality. Unless you are paying rent or otherwise financially supporting your parents for the use of your office, you are going to have nearly no leverage in any conversation about this subject.

You need to have a heart to heart with your parents. They are not respecting your work as legitimate work. Them getting up at 5:00am has nothing to do with whether your job is a legitimate job or not. But if they see it that way, that matters. Try to have this not immediately after you turning a request down.

"Mom, dad, we need to talk regarding my job. I don't feel like you are respecting my work - I work 40 hours a week and need to be able to focus on it. My work is on the computer, but that doesn't mean it isn't work. During the day I am doing X, Y, Z and this means I need to be at my computer. I can't keep skipping work to do household tasks. I would love to do this for you guys but unfortunately my work is suffering when I am skipping work. My job has a much more flexible work schedule and allows me to put my hours in even starting at 10am, and so yes I sleep in later than you but that is only because my job allows it and I prefer that. I feel like you guys have a hard time respecting my job and this is frustrating for me and I do not want to lose my job over this. How can we find a better solution?"

Stop just dancing around the issue. Acknowledge their concerns, namely sleeping in and "messing on the computer" and talk through them directly.

If they aren't receptive to this though, you don't have a whole lot of options unless you are willing and able to move out.

In their eyes this means like being jobless, having nothing to do, gaming all the day because they think computers are just for that and that working people won't sit at home in front of the computer whole day and sometimes even say things like I should get a job.

By the way, this leads me to believe that the complicated answer will fail or not be successful, but if you want to stay at home you still need to try it.

Really complicated - setup home office

From comments it sounds like neither above option is possible. One possibility would be to find space outside your home and rent this as a home office.

It will cost you some for sure but it is a possibility you might want to explore if you are really worried about losing this job or otherwise having family problems.

Depending on where you live this might be more or less an option. Even a library, potentially.

Some countries also have tax benefits for at-home offices. If this is a possibility you might be able to additionally help your parents financially by correctly filing your taxes. Often there are benefits for home offices. Be careful with this, as the rules/regulations may get complicated. It may not help in your specific situation but may others with similar situations.

On the third scenario, it might help dressing up for work, even while staying at home. anecdote: A colleague in a different team was having trouble with SO interfering with their telecommute time. I once saw SO popping behind their back during a videoconference. They began to suit up, putting up a business suit up to and including the necktie during their work hours.SO suddenly began to leave them alone. Keeping it professional even when working at home can have benefits. — Mindwin Remember Monica, Mar 21 '17 at 19:21
The local cybercoffee might work. When I was in a similar situation, I used rented a space on the second floor of the local cybercoffee. The place was mostly used for people to play online FPS/MMOs, so the place was surprisingly quiet. I had even free coffee, access to a bathroom, a water cooler, and a snack bar if I ever wanted to buy something to eat. I paid 50¢ per hour on that arrangement. — T. Sar, Dec 11 '17 at 12:28

Vietnhi Phuvan · Answer 2 · 2014-10-03T15:09:31.407

If you get paid for getting things done and you can get fired for not doing them, then you definitely have a job. And if you have to do them, it's called work.

Tell your family that you do have a job, that the job requires you to complete tasks and that you will lose that job and if you don't complete them. Tell them that if they act as if you don't have a job, then that's what going to happen: you won't have a job, and the money won't come in.

Tell them that you don't want to start your career with a firing if you can avoid it, and that you certainly don't want to have to figure out a way to explain to your next prospective employer how you lost your job with your current employer.

At the same time, since you are working at home, you cannot ignore the fact that you live at home. Any attempt on your part to ignore the fact that you live at home is doomed to abject failure because your family will sure not let you forget.

You need to negotiate a more formal arrangement with your family where you agree to help around the house say on weekends - the mowing can certainly wait until the weekend, for example, because it's not as if the grass will pick and leave if you don't mow it now - and at selected time windows during the day in exchange for working mostly undisturbed during your working hours.

There are family chores that can wait and family chores that can't wait. You should ask for and get flexibility on those family chores that can wait. Never say "No!" to family chores: say "Yes" to those family chores that can't wait e.g. picking up the sibling at 2PM is not optional, and say "It can wait" and specify a delivery time to those family chores that can wait. And make a point of always delivering on those family chores that can wait.

Make sure that you live up to your side of whatever grand bargain you make with la familia. Because if your family is anything like mine, they are ruthless, they know where you live and they know you well enough to hit you where it hurts :)

Note: I have trouble understanding why the same family that makes a point of not disturbing you when you were in your room doing homework after school doesn't understand that you are in your room doing - well, work. This is an inconsistency that I don't get :) If you are going to Hell in the next life, maybe a version of hell for you would be your family saying reproachfully "He is in his room all day playing video games" with you futilely screaming "Mom, I HAVE to play video games! I am a video games designer. THAT'S MY JOB!!!" :)

They don't care me beeing fired and getting another job because they don't respect it. They think it's easy to get another job which I really tried but no success. They accused me not trying hard enogh. Many things are on a fixed time like picking up sibling. Then there are things like transporting a heavy furniture from the shop which depends on my fathers work shifts (which are also on weekends). — sweet home, Oct 03 '14 at 14:40
Make sure that you live up to your side of whatever grand bargain you make with la familia. Because if your family is anything like mine, they are ruthless, they know where you live and they know you well enough to hit you where it hurts :)

I know and they have more power/better connections to other people than me ;) About the homework: That was handled the same way. When there was work, I had to help. Then I had to do my homework later ;) And putting it to video games isn't good as they think they are silly and just for kids and only when don't have anything better to do. ;) — sweet home, Oct 03 '14 at 14:42
There are family chores that can wait and family chores that can't wait. Might also suggest that things like picking up a sibling is something that will be known in advance, and thus can be requested/negotiated in advance. If one of the "rules" is agreeing the non-moveable things at the start of the week, or at the least the day before, it might help stop scope creep. — starsplusplus, Oct 05 '14 at 18:43
While picking up the sibling might not wait, it's the parent's responsibility to do that. Home office doesn't mean you can do a few hours pauses when you want. — , Oct 06 '14 at 14:01
@Donaudampschiffreizeitfahrt Your statement would not work with my family, and I doubt that it would work with the OP's family. — Vietnhi Phuvan, Oct 06 '14 at 14:19
@РСТȢѸФХѾЦЧШЩЪЫЬѢѤЮѦѪѨѬѠѺѮѰѲѴ that's one of the points they don't understand in contrast to me. — sweet home, Oct 29 '14 at 12:27
+1 for "If you get paid for getting things done and you can get fired for not doing them, then you definitely have a job." However, respecting that as a real job partially depends on how much are you paid for it - e.g. how real is your salary. If the other jobs they think you should have got pay several times your current one, your parents have a point. — Pere, Mar 21 '17 at 09:58

score 20 · Answer 3 · answered Oct 03 '14 at 12:02

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The obvious answer is saying "I'm working today. I have a job", but it's very likely you've already done it.

It needs to be repeated and even more, demonstrated.

When your parents come home, you should show them the work you've done during the day. Explain, hour-by-hour if need be, your work day. Getting them to understand this, is more likely to get them to understand the importance of your time during these hours.

At the same time, your parents also have jobs. You should also understand that SOMEONE has to pick up your sibling from school or whatever. One of you may have to skip work early that day, and it should be fair. Not always you, and not always them.

On a more meta-subject, you might want to consider moving out, but I have no information with which to judge whether or not your income is sufficient.

answered Oct 03 '14 at 12:02

Alec

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As they don't now much about my field, they don't understand what I do when I tell them and they don't listen to me and when I tell them in simpler terms it's many days the same and they ask questions like "didn't you do this last week?" or "why aren't you done yet?". My mother isn't working the whole week and is responsible for the household and my father is at home part of the week because he has weekend shifts. It's not like I hate picking up my sibling, it's all the things summing up ending all the day helping in household and getting no work done. – sweet home Oct 03 '14 at 12:38
+1 for demonstrating your work. I wouldn't worry about any NDAs too, because your parents are unlikely to understand your work if they think computers are "only for gaming." – David K Oct 03 '14 at 12:40
Moving out is a bit complicated at the time for private reasons. Also it is not uncommon in my area to live in the same house like your Grandparents. – sweet home Oct 03 '14 at 12:42
NDAs ARE sometimes a problem. For example in at least one project I worked for customer who is a compititor to the employer of my father. – sweet home Oct 03 '14 at 12:45
Re competing employers -- just redact the identifying information on whatever it is you show them. – NReilingh Oct 04 '14 at 21:46
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Am I the only one who thinks having to explain everything you do is most definitely not the solution? It might make them more sympathetic for your cause, but in the OPs situation I doubt it would make any difference. – Mast Oct 05 '14 at 13:44
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@Mast: It's not just you. Getting defensive about this will make things worse, I promise. – Lightness Races in Orbit Oct 05 '14 at 16:57
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+1 For emphasising that people need to be shown evidence, particularly in this case. – Pharap Oct 05 '14 at 17:55

Joe Strazzere · Answer 4 · 2016-06-05T00:31:25.270

How can I get my family- and work-life together/my family respect me/my job?

You cannot continue to take hours away from your work time and try to "cover up" with your boss. Basically, anything you are doing, that you wouldn't admit openly to your boss is questionable. Eventually that will catch up with you, and may have serious work repercussions.

It appears that there are only two real solutions here - either have a convincing talk with your family, or find a different place to work.

It can be hard for families who don't understand office work, and remote work, to see that you really are working when you are in your room on your computer. For some families "being in your room" means you aren't really working, even when you are.

Sit down with your parents. Explain the work you do, what is involved, and the kind of uninterrupted time you need to complete it. tell them which hours of the day need to be "work hours" (for example 9:00 - 5:00) and which hours are not. You might even consider showing them what a "day in the life" of your work entails.

Ask what you need to do in order to get a full day of work without having to take time out to do home chores, babysitting, lawn work, etc. Perhaps all chores can be done after hours or on weekends (just as they would if you worked in an office). Perhaps you need a lock on your door. Perhaps there is a different space in your house other than your room which would better convey a sense of "work". Sometimes a basement office can be set up.

If that doesn't work, you'll need to find somewhere else to do your work.

You might be able to "work from home" by working somewhere other than your room. Perhaps a library, perhaps a space in a local university, perhaps a coffee shop. (I once had a remote worker spend every day in a coffee shop for a few months. The coffee shop was okay with that as long as he actually purchased coffee.)

If you can afford it, some cities now have shared office spaces. You basically rent the use of an office or a desk, and have a few shared office amenities. You might even be able to rent an unused room at a friend's house inexpensively.

And if all else fails, you may have to look for another non-remote job where you can drive to the office and work without having to do home chores at the same time.

Just to clarify: with cover up I mean beeing reachable all the time and checking emails etc. and behaving like I was at the computer/toilette at the moment and doing the missed time later/at night. Most things of my job don't depend on what time of day they are done. So I am not taking company for private things but I am not happy about having to cover it up and doing more work at night especially when other siblings don't have to do it because they are not at home. Next things like coffee shop are in ~10km distance, so I would be questioned why — sweet home, Oct 03 '14 at 13:50
I would do that and I would have to find a coffee shop which is OK with it. Shared office spaces are more than 50km. I already tried finding another job but I only got responses like "not enough work expirience"/"we found a more suitable canditate" (I always met the experience and other requirements) — sweet home, Oct 03 '14 at 13:53
normally not. I answer when someone contacts me and I do my work (only outside the "office hours"), so he isn't able to notice (except maybe in some logfiles which say when it was done). I have flexible time so I can say I was doing overtime at night — sweet home, Oct 03 '14 at 15:23
For my job I have to manage 2 things: beeing reachable from customers/coworker for urgent tasks during office hours and getting my work done so I wouldnt get much problems when he finds out, except that my boss will question my reachability and maybe honesty. I was never told when to do my work but only until when and when I have to be reachable. At the current setup I have the problem to stay reachable and that I have to be reachable and to work on different times, so I am doing more hours than those are written down (I only write down hours I am doing work) — sweet home, Oct 03 '14 at 16:34

score 15 · Answer 5 · answered Oct 03 '14 at 14:05

If you intend to stay, and you should if the room and board are inexpensive, then you need to learn to say no. Here are a few ways to do it:

"I'm sorry, I can't help you right now, I'm in the middle of a task." Optionally end this with, "I can help you in 20-30 minutes though." Then set a timer and come out at that time. Doing this consistently will probably encourage them to stop asking you for small things they want done immediately.

"I can't take that much time out of my work day to run errands, mow the lawn, etc. My "core" work hours are between 10am and 4pm, so I can be more flexible outside those hours, but during that time I really can't spend more than 15 or 20 minutes on non work related activities." This should help them stop asking you for lengthy things during your primary work time.

You need to help them understand that you aren't available on a regular basis. One of the things they are doing is assuming you can help them all the time, but the reality is that you can't, and they don't understand that. Doing the above will help, but to reinforce this, take your computer and phone to the coffee shop, park, co-working facility, or library randomly 2-3 days a week. If you don't keep a schedule of when you might be home and when you might not be, they no longer can ask you for last-minute errands, they have to plan ahead and give you more notice, or ask if you're going to be working for home on a given day. It also gives you a little more leverage to say now, "I'm sorry, I have big project I'm working on and can't be interrupted during it, so I'll be working at the library today."

Further, be open and honest with them. Tell them you need advance notice of requests that take time. Tell them when you are interrupted that it takes time away from work, and disrupting your train of thought causes problems for your work. You may have to do this repeatedly, coupled with, "No, but I can help you later." Ask them for chores you can do outside your working time, or a list of regular chores they want you to keep up on so you can choose when to do them, and never have to be interrupted for them since they're taken care of.

It'll be bumpy and frustrating - for both you and them - at first, but as long as you set up boundaries and live by them, they will learn what they are.

Keep in mind that if your room and board are free or discounted, you should take on some additional responsibility. Rather than approaching the problem as "I need to get them to stop intruding" consider approaching it as "I need to make sure they know when I'm available and when I'm not, and that I'm happy to help, but it has to fit into my work schedule, not the other way around."

That's what I already try to do. I already set up the rule that I work at least from 10-5 but then came things like helping opening the glass of jam or picking up the sibling at 2 (when all others had no time because of important appointments and where I can't change the time ;) ) and they started taking the rule less strict. Next coffee-shops etc. are in 10km distance upwards, so I would prefer other options and also would be questioned by others. Also that wouldn't stop planning the things on days I stay at home because that's what they siblings significant others working shifts. — sweet home, Oct 03 '14 at 14:25
As I already said, I irregularly pay them rent up to at least few hundred € a year for room and meals and buy everything by myself. So it's inexpensive. — sweet home, Oct 03 '14 at 14:27
I don't think opening a glass of jam is a big problem, though I can certainly see why the mere interruption is frustrating. The truth is, that happens in the office too. — Lightness Races in Orbit, Oct 05 '14 at 16:58
As a temporary workaround until you have learned what "learning to say no" means: if verbal communication is ineffective, you may want to lock yourself in the room or put other physical boundaries that impede you to help them (the problem is not that they ask for help). This question is actually more a matter of a psychologist than a matter of workplace. — ignis, Oct 07 '14 at 09:23
@ignis I like the idea of further physical boundaries. Locking the door, wearing headphones, rearranging the space so they have to intrude physically far into the room to get his attention will significantly discourage them from interrupting him. — Adam Davis, Oct 07 '14 at 13:01

score 13 · Answer 6 · answered Oct 03 '14 at 13:09

As has been mentioned by other posters, moving out is one of the only true solutions to this problem. I understand that both culturally and economically this can be tough so let's explore a couple other options.

You don't mention much about the money arrangement with your family - are you paying rent? Are you assisting in paying for goods/services that you use? Some families this isn't a big problem. The child is the parent's child and housing/goods/support comes naturally. BUT not paying for things can make it very hard for some parents to distinguish between 'underaged child playing video games' and 'adult child with a job'.

Additionally it sounds like things are fairly chaotic - you may be asked to mow the lawn this day, pick someone up that day... Start setting schedules in advance. If mowing the lawn is something you do to help the family then make the plan that "I mow the lawn every other Saturday if the weather is fine" and "If the weather is bad I may skip a week but I will catch it up on the next Saturday. I will mow the lawn twice a month." How about "I will pick up my sibling from school on Wednesdays". When people have plans it's much easier to stick to other schedules. Because, let's face it, with you at their beck and call why would your parents change anything? You have trained them(and they have trained you) that when they want something to happen during the day you will drop your job(and how can they take it seriously if you are willing to put it aside to go mow the lawn?) and do whatever it is they asked. I think that point is worth a bit of repeating - If someone is willing to put their job aside to do chores, then others will respect that job(and that person) less. It's just the way most cultures think about jobs. Important jobs, the line of thought goes, are jobs that you cannot step away from to do chores. Ergo those who can step in and out of the office willy nilly aren't doing 'real jobs'.

At the end of the day your question is a lot less about workplace and a lot more about negotiating both generational differences and the transition between child and adult in your parent's eyes. Ultimately you would be best served by gaining distance in some way. If you are unwilling or unable to move out(which is understandable) another good way to get this distance would be to start working from somewhere else. Depending on where you live there are co-working locations in many cities/towns/communities. For a small membership fee you can go in at almost anytime to work and have a reserved space/office/equipment. Alternative options might be renting a room from somewhere/someone in order to work out of it or working from a library or cafe.

In the end the only solution that will change anything will require several different things from your end: Make a schedule and keep to it regarding both work times and chores/assistance. Consider formalizing your monetary and activity based family assistance(paying rent etc), find a place that is 'separate' from where you sleep to work. Ideally this place should be outside of your home.

I irregularly pay them rent up to at least few hundred € a year. Clothes etc. are bought by myself. Most of the tasks are irregularly. For example picking up sibling: We do ride-sharing with neighbors, so our family does it about every third week. Then it depends on wheter my mother has an important appointment at the time picking up like doctor, governmental appointment,... . Mowing the lawn was only example and only done once a month. Most of the tasks are one-time tasks like helping transporting furniture. I live in a more offside city area. Next internet cafe is ~10km, co-working 50km — sweet home, Oct 03 '14 at 13:40
I already answer most requests with "later" when possible but they are summing up. — sweet home, Oct 03 '14 at 13:57
Irregularly paying them rent doesn't help to reinforce the fact that you are an independent adult with a job. This answer explains why you need to set schedules where possible, not because it would necessarily be more convenient for you, but because they will respect you more as a result. — Fiona - myaccessible.website, Oct 03 '14 at 14:22

vascowhite · Answer 7 · 2014-10-07T16:19:17.293

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There is a lot of good advice in the other answers to this question, but I feel the need to add another point of view.

Your question and your comments to the answers provided lead me to believe that you are at least part of the problem.

wake up at about 8-10

It may be that this gives your parents the impression that you lack discipline and that you don't take your job seriously. If you don't, why should your parents?

Every work day, get up in time to eat and get dressed then go to work. Say "Right, I'm off to work now" so that your parents get the message. If you have a defined start and end to your working day you will give the impression of having a 'proper job'.

I already irregularly pay them money for room and meals

Talk to your parents and agree a monthly rent that you pay on the same day every month. That will give you a stronger position in the house and will help your parents to see that you are now an adult.

In short, if you start acting like the adult you are and not the child you where, then your parents will start to treat you as such. However, to earn their respect you need to bring some discipline into your own life and demonstrate that you deserve to be treated as an adult with a career.

edited Oct 07 '14 at 16:19

answered Oct 04 '14 at 07:09

vascowhite

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In addition to showing commitment to the job, going to bed and getting up at the usual times for that household would look more adult from the parents' point of view. – Patricia Shanahan Oct 04 '14 at 12:03
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In what way does working flexible hours indicate a lack of discipline and give the impression that the asker doesn't take their job seriously? One could equally argue that working a rigid 9-5:30 (or whatever hours you consider to be normal) indicates that the person has no investment in their job and sees it as only a way to fill hours in the day and earn money. – David Richerby Oct 04 '14 at 23:57
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Your view that sleeping in demonstrates a lack of discipline is flawed. Perhaps you believe that "waking up later" is the same as "waking up late"? Consider that many factory workers rise at 2 or 3 in afternoon for a 1600-0000 shift, policemen guarding your streets from 0000 to 0800 each morning wake while you are washing the dishes, surgeons on call might only spend 4 hours in the office, and soldiers downrange sleep when and where they can. No one would consider the aforementioned workers to lack "proper jobs" as you put it. The important bit is being available at the expected time. – Andrew Kozak Oct 05 '14 at 01:57
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@AndrewKozak I don't say that sleeping late = lack of discipline, I work unusual hours myself. I am saying that the OP's question and answers to comments lead me to believe that part of the problem in this case is lack of discipline. I wasn't making a judgement on unusual/flexible hours, I was offering advice on a particular case. – vascowhite Oct 05 '14 at 05:54
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@DavidRicherby See my comment above. – vascowhite Oct 05 '14 at 05:55
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-1: This is absurd and is precisely the sort of attitude that makes home working so difficult, not to mention working anywhere for the 15% of the world population that struggles daily and invisibly with Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder. I'm ashamed to see this attitude propagated on a professional site. – Lightness Races in Orbit Oct 05 '14 at 17:00
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@LightnessRacesinOrbit You're entitled to your opinion, as am I. I am not commenting on homeworkers in general here, I am commenting on this particular instance. I don't understand why people seem to be insisting on taking a view on one question in here as a general view on everything in the whole world. That is what is absurd! Some homeworkers need to realise that working at home successfully requires more discipline than going out to work. In my opinion the OP numbers amongst that small minority. – vascowhite Oct 05 '14 at 17:27
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continued:- I personally spend around 6 months of the year working from home and my partner does it all year round, I know a bit about it. I see no reference to Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder in the OP or any of the comments or answers, so I don't know why you bring it up. I have not said anywhere in my answer that working from home is the problem. – vascowhite Oct 05 '14 at 17:33
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Your attitude towards those who are more productive later in the day is clear from your answer, and affects both categories of people that I mentioned. It's not my "opinion", it is my deep unfortunate experience and that of countless individuals with whom I have discussed this phenomenon. Working from home does not inherently require more discipline, but when you go around saying that it does you propagate a myth that harms those people on a daily basis. – Lightness Races in Orbit Oct 05 '14 at 17:52
@LightnessRacesinOrbit 'those' is plural, my answer refers to a single case. That is why I don't really understand your comments. You seem to think I have some agenda against homeworkers, I am at a loss to understand why. This is my last comment here. – vascowhite Oct 05 '14 at 17:59
@vascowhite Thank you for clarifying your answer. I think that your edits make it more apparent that you were focussing on the possible perception OP's flex hours were giving to others with respect to his level of discipline. – Andrew Kozak Oct 05 '14 at 20:08
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@vascowhite You keep saying that your opinion is confined to this instance in particular, yet none of your stated reasoning for the opinion is specific to this instance. Simply saying you're not unfairly prejudging doesn't make it so. The only aspect you referenced here is the simple fact that the hours and payments are not strictly defined, and you concluded from this that he is "not disciplined" and "not acting like an adult". So how can you honestly claim that this is not a judgement of flexible work in general? You have said absolutely nothing to contradict the criticism you received. – nmclean Oct 06 '14 at 13:15
I have the same concerns as others about your view on the waking time, but your second suggestion regarding a regular, defined rent is clutch. I was going to add an answer to talk about just this. The real problem here is the balance of power, and setting a rent that is met every month (never late) shifts the relationship more towards one of peer adults, rather than parent-child. It's the same effect as moving out, but more viable in this case. – Nicholas Oct 07 '14 at 14:37
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@LightnessRacesinOrbit a quick Google search of DSPD revealed an error in your figure. It's 0.15% of the population that's affected, not 15%. – Dan Henderson Jan 28 '16 at 22:26
@DanHenderson: Hah, true. I do remember thinking it was higher than I'd have thought ^_^ – Lightness Races in Orbit Jan 28 '16 at 23:06

score 2 · Answer 8 · answered Oct 03 '14 at 12:07

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I am working from home quite often. At the right times, I tell my wife "I'm going to work now", or "I'm at work now", or "I'm back home now". I can take an hour break, and then I'll have to work longer in the evening.

Your family really needs to accept that you are at work. If they can't accept it, tell them again and again until they get it.

answered Oct 03 '14 at 12:07

gnasher729

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and he needs to really accept that he can't be a leech on his parents for all eternity. He needs to start paying his dues in the family home, pay rent, pay for groceries... His entire rant sounds like he's just doing some odd jobs in his parents' living room to make beer money for pub nights. – jwenting Oct 07 '14 at 07:58
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That's a separate problem, and not workplace related. If he leaves every morning, goes to work, and comes back in the evening (as he has done in the past for the same company), that situation would be exactly the same. And to me the situation sounds like full-time employment with very flexible working hours. – gnasher729 Jan 20 '15 at 19:29

score 2 · Answer 9 · answered Mar 21 '17 at 10:04

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Others have suggested to move out, although it can be very expensive - even too expensive for your income.

However, there is a cheaper mixed solution: moving your workplace. Renting an small office can be cheaper than renting a living place, or you can try coworking, that is likely cheaper than renting a room in a shared apartment.

answered Mar 21 '17 at 10:04

Pere

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This is a duplicate of what is already mentioned in the accepted answer. – Erik Mar 21 '17 at 10:45

score 0 · Answer 10 · answered Oct 03 '14 at 19:11

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The solution is simple, you just need three things:

A second phone for your home office
A lock for the door
A shield stating in big letter AT WORK

You only answer the phone, no requests at the door. Your default answer is "i am in town XY (100 km away) at work, do you really want me to interrupt my work, ask my boss to leave for some hours and then drive home now to mow the lawn? Can't it wait?".

Just treat them like kids who don't understand a thing and ignore what they say, this will probably never change.

And assuming you have some excuse or rationale reason why you can't do that, it doesn't matter. You have to fix this soon, or you will lose the job. You have to be cruel if needed, or you will lose the job.

And then you will sit all day at home, play on the computer and hear the same complaints. Forever!

Good luck.

answered Oct 03 '14 at 19:11

user27490

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This would actually make the problem more complicated instead of providing a workable solution. – Mast Oct 05 '14 at 13:48
Just ignore what they say. Yeah, great solution. eye roll – Lightness Races in Orbit Oct 05 '14 at 16:59
This might be viable with peers, but a child of working age, still living in their parents' home, is receiving a very valuable gift. Their parents are in the position of power and authority in this relationship until the time that the OP moves out. – Nicholas Oct 07 '14 at 14:31

score -1 · Answer 11 · answered Mar 21 '17 at 11:21

Hi, sweet home,

I know that a lot of people have proposed solutions, but here's one I do not recall seeing:

Have you considered moving your parents out of your house?

Here's the rationale for my proposal:

1) As many people have emphasized, you need to demonstrate your "wealth" and the value of your work.

What better way to demonstrate your wealth and the value of your work than by literally demonstrating your wealth and the value of your parents?

2) My parents, whom I have been fortunate enough to have had raise me my whole life, have always given me the best and the newest things.

I see it as only fair and fit that they also receive the best and newest from me.

When I move out, I'm the one who gets the new place and new things.

But when I move my parents out, they're the ones who get the new place and new things.

The thing is, the way I see this situation is the same way I see it anytime I encounter naysayers.

By making our family and our naysayers a part of the solution, they have no chance to be a part of the problem.

I guess it sounds like I'm bribing them, but because they're my loved ones, I see it as recompense and gift-giving, instead of as simple bribery.

What do you think?

I see that you mentioned that you pay rent irregularly already.

So how about paying a mortgage every month regularly to help them see you as an adult?

Good luck.

assp1r1n3 · Answer 12 · 2014-10-06T11:42:23.577

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Option 1: You have got to really talk to your parents. Just show them examples of your work. Try to increase number of video conferences (I hope you have them) with your coworkers, so they will hear their voices coming out from your room, showing that you're busy now.

Option 2: If that doesn't work, you can try coworking space. It is far more simpler, smoother and cheaper(!) solution of the problem. No need to mess with moving out. Find the nearest one to your home and you're good to go. Even if you will wakeup at 10, given that coworking centre is near your home, this should make a serious impression on your parents.

edited Oct 06 '14 at 11:42

answered Oct 06 '14 at 11:00

assp1r1n3

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this doesn't seem to offer anything substantial over points made and explained in prior 10 answers – gnat Oct 06 '14 at 11:23
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Just now I'm searching for more information. The fact that my current answer doesn't have anything new over 10 existing ones doesn't mean that it is final answer. – assp1r1n3 Oct 06 '14 at 11:26
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@assp1r1n3 If your current answer doesn't offer anything new, then don't post it. If you are searching for new information to share, then share that when you find it. By posting early for the sake of posting, you get yourself downvotes that you wouldn't have gotten otherwise. – David K Oct 06 '14 at 13:25
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Not worth a downvote to me, but neither an upvote. I don't really get the point of repeating what has been said already in any conversation. It just sucks time and energy off the others. Ironically, this even fits your answer: You want to increase the amount of conferences, sucking time and energy off the others. Well intended advice: Please become more empathic – phresnel Oct 07 '14 at 08:31

How do I get my family to respect my home office?

12 Answers12

Simple answer - Move Out

Complicated answer - Talk with Parents

Really complicated - setup home office