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I work for a small software firm (around 10 people) in a generally quiet open office. Usually there's only the noise of mouse and keyboard and occasional work-related discussions.

However there's this senior coworker seated less than 5 metres next to me who, to put it bluntly, has pretty appalling mannerisms, and I find it very distracting. And I have to emphasise this: he's a good, hardworking guy (a bit naive even, you might say), so I don't want anything bad to happen to him - complaining with boss is out of the question. His problem lies completely in his bad subconscious habits, so I just want to inform him of all this in a constructive and polite way.

His bad habits include:

  1. Constantly tapping/stomping on the ground in irregular intervals, rapidly and rhythmically - the most distracting way of tapping/stomping possible. The tapping would start every half minute or so, lasting a few seconds, then stopping. Sometimes it's a soft tap, sometimes it would almost be stomping.
  2. Occasionally tapping on his laptop with his fingernails, like he's playing some keyboard instrument. It would start abruptly and usually goes 'ta-ta---ta-ta---ta-ta---ta-ta-ta-ta', rapidly with rising loudness. His laptop's surface is plastic, so it's usually quite loud.
  3. He likes to chew gum after lunch, but he chews with his mouth open, meaning constant loud sucking and clicking noises. Think of a baby sucking a pacifier, opening his mouth every five seconds to make a noise.
  4. He clears his throat and burps with a loud rumble, with no intentions to muffle the sound. This happens less often so it's less of an issue. Nevertheless it's not culturally acceptable here, not in a workplace.

So obviously, if I simply point it out to him, it would sound pretty much like educating your children, which is completely inappropriate for me. (I'm only 22; started working here only six months ago; he's nearly 50 and has been working here for the best part of the decade). It's not really possible to get my other coworkers to confront him either, because they are comparatively junior as well (the youngest member we have is 20; most others are 28-ish with three being 30-40. Also I do not want to judge people behind their backs.

Right now I deal with it by wearing headphones and playing music all day, which is fine except sometimes I really need to concentrate and need to mute the music too. So how exactly, should I communicate all this to him? It has been troubling me for quite some time now.

I read this question, as people have suggested. However none of these solutions suggested really work in my particular case, with this coworker being significantly older and more senior than me. Also I am specifically looking a way of talking to him politely - euphemisms, humour, indirect language, things like that. Hopefully I made myself clearer.

cyqsimon
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  • The easiest and most realistic solution is to get active sound suppressing headphones, then you can have perfect bliss without music. Communicating it to him may or may not work, and may also worsen your relationship, why risk it? – Aida Paul Mar 18 '20 at 10:07
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    Does this answer your question? What can I do about a very loud coworker? – motosubatsu Mar 18 '20 at 10:08
  • The noises in the question I linked aren't exactly the same but I think effect is very similar and the approach outlined in the accepted answer there is worth a look! – motosubatsu Mar 18 '20 at 10:10
  • @motosubatsu I looked at people's suggestions in that post. 1. it's difficult to tell a coworker 30 years older that he's behaving like a child 2. working from home is not an option. 3. I absolutely do not want to complain to boss. This guy (we'll call him Bob) has been working for my boss for nearly a decade now. Me complaining would be more than inappropriate, plus it wouldn't be fair to Bob either. – cyqsimon Mar 18 '20 at 10:15
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    It's difficult to tell a coworker they are behaving like a child. It's MUCH easier to tell a coworker their probably subconscious behaviors are causing you concentration issues. The two key problems you have here 1) you being distracted by the sounds 2) you judging his behavior as child-like. You need to drop 2 and then you can probably work on 1. – Erik Mar 18 '20 at 10:31
  • I used to work in a workshop with engines revving, the radio doing music and was able to ignore the audio input from my ears when I was concentrating - takes practice though. Still do it - can be concentrating and colleagues get annoyed I don't answer their questions - they are just background noise - you need to engage directly. – Solar Mike Mar 18 '20 at 10:33
  • @Erik that's a good point. Sorry my choice of words is inappropriate. The distractions he causes for me are quite severe, that's all I'm trying to say. – cyqsimon Mar 18 '20 at 10:35
  • @SolarMike I don't think that's quite the same as intermittent bad mannerism though... During my uni years my dorm neighbour really liked her music, and I studied/slept with that in the background with no problems. This however, is really irritating. – cyqsimon Mar 18 '20 at 10:41
  • @cyqsimon odd hammering, beeps etc etc But it sounds to me that you are concentrating on him to find out what he will do next - as if he is there just to annoy you... – Solar Mike Mar 18 '20 at 10:43
  • @SolarMike I mean, I have been trying very hard to not pay attention to my workplace environment for the past six months. It's just that it's very difficult to not hear sudden noises with 35dB ambient... – cyqsimon Mar 18 '20 at 10:46
  • Just tell him. It's only you that thinks that you'll be telling someone they are acting like a child. – Rory Alsop Mar 19 '20 at 10:08

1 Answers1

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The important thing here is not to sound as if you've been bottling up your frustration for months and have finally snapped, as that implies that you've built up a strong dislike for your colleague which has only now overcome his unapproachability - both things that are far worse to hear than the actual problem.

Instead, phrase this as if it's the first time you've noticed, and that he's a friendly, approachable guy. Give him the opportunity to be that person.

"Would you mind not tapping please? It's really distracting and I need to concentrate on this TPS report."

He'll probably apologise and stop, but need reminding in a day or two. That's OK. Hopefully you'll talk to him more, and build a better relationship, which will help him remember that you're there.

If he does swear at you and start harassing you, your relationship hasn't actually got any worse, and you'll have a real problem you can take to your boss.

Having said all that, noise-cancelling headphones are wonderful in a noisy office. I wish I'd bought mine years ago. If there's a conversation right next to me, I can tell it's happening, but it's no longer distracting.

Robin Bennett
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