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I declined a job offer last week for cultural fit reasons, over email, and this morning I received an email back from the hiring manager saying that he's very disappointed in me and he'll be calling my current employer to let them know I'm looking around. Should I try to get ahead of this and tell my manager, or call his bluff?

12 Answers12

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Call his bluff. It would be extremely petty and inappropriate to do that. I cannot imagine doing it. One's life would have to be pretty small to do so.

Having said that, if he does call...so what? Just tell your boss you got approached by them but turned them down. At this point it's your word against their word, and you're the one staying at your job.

Keith
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    I think lying would not be appropriate. Speak truth without fear. Looking for a job while working is totally fine. He can then explain the reason why he is doing so. It is assumed that most employees can tender resignation any time that's why they have "notice period" and other precautionary measures. – Stupid_Intern Jun 25 '19 at 18:05
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    @anal I disagree. Yes, you should look and find a new job before quitting, so you will be looking while you still have a job. However, that doesn't mean you want your boss to know you are considering leaving. Telling your boss you are looking before you are ready to leave just gives them the opportunity to replace you before you have a new job lined up. – David K Jun 25 '19 at 18:09
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    @DavidK wouldn't that put OP in worse place if his lie was caught? – Stupid_Intern Jun 25 '19 at 18:19
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    @anal and David, I think we currently ignore if OP approached them or if the company approached OP (I already asked for clarification). Attending an interview does not imply that you are looking to leave, some just do it for curiosity, to know what else is out there, or even because some acquaintance insisted on OP to attend... – DarkCygnus Jun 25 '19 at 18:25
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    @anal suggested reading that relates to what David was saying: Why is quitting without having a new job lined up seen so negatively by employers? – DarkCygnus Jun 25 '19 at 18:43
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    Plus, I guess, OP is way more credible than someone who calls to tattle out of spite. If employee loses credibility over something like that, it's probably a flag as well. How could anyone trust someone who wants to force unrelated person out of job as a revenge and no business whatsoever. – luk32 Jun 26 '19 at 08:47
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    "I cannot imagine doing it. One's life would have to be pretty small to do so." That really doesn't stop people from doing it anyway. – Mast Jun 26 '19 at 11:11
  • You're right. But it does say something about the likelihood of an employer taking such person's word over a valued employee. If I were a manager and got such a phone call I'd laugh as a hung up on him. – Keith Jun 26 '19 at 11:58
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    If they do phone, just say They offered me a job and I turned them down with optional as I'm happy here. You don't need to offer any other explanation. – Smock Jun 26 '19 at 13:32
  • @DavidK - The issue is that they could simply forward the application e-mail as proof. It will at least raise severe suspicion and cause distrust. Lying will make things worse, given the high chance of exposing it. But, used properly, it could be used to negotiate a higher salary or other benefits. Replacing employees can be a cost and time consuming process. You could also see it this way: Your boss deprived you of an appropriate compensation, so it's not a one sided case. – Battle Jun 26 '19 at 14:16
  • I wouldn't say that to my boss. Imagine the person is really into screwing OP and sends a proof that OP applied to the job. He'll be seen as wanting to leave and a liar. – luizfzs Jun 26 '19 at 14:24
  • Fine...in that case say "Yes, Boss...I responded to it, had a talk with them, very briefly considered it, found out they were really not the place for me and declined. I'm happy here, and have no plans to go anywhere else." No manager can possibly expect lock-step devotion from all their employees, and reasonably think they'd never consider taking another job. – Keith Jun 26 '19 at 14:35
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    @Battle I think you are overthinking this. The 'lie' being encouraged here is in the realm of harmless white lie, things one says to smooth things over. Of course there is an application to go with an interview, the implication in 'they made an offer, I checked it out but declined' is just that you aren't leaving, not that you didn't apply. – Saiboogu Jun 26 '19 at 14:38
  • @luizfzs obviously OP applied to that job - otherwise how they get in interview... but there is no necessary correlation between applying to get an interview and deciding to quit the job... Maybe OP goes for 3 interview every year just to track market state (as many other people in IT do for example) or recruiters of that company were so persistent that interview was easiest way to shut them off? – Alexei Levenkov Jun 26 '19 at 15:54
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As a manager, if someone called me and said "hey, rooty, who works for you, got offered a job at my company but they turned it down!" I would certainly not hold it against rooty. If anything, I would want to congratulate rooty for making what seems like an obvious good decision to not go work for a company managed by inappropriate and awkward leaders.

Knowing that an employee of mine was thinking about leaving would change nothing. If someone has a problem, either I can solve it, or I can't. This is an ongoing process of staying in the loop with employees and addressing issues as they've come up - either your manager is already doing this, or they aren't. Managers who respond to threats of losing people are generally not the kinds of people you'd want to work for long term anyways.

dwizum
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  • But what if rooty spoke bad about his current company, and the somone will snitch and tell everything was told? – Sandra K Jun 25 '19 at 18:44
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    @SandraK we don't know if rooty spoke bad of their current company, so I think that what you say is tangential and perhaps stretching it too far... – DarkCygnus Jun 25 '19 at 18:45
  • @DarkCygnus so, "incomplete answer" because "we don't know", because if it is true that rooty bad mouthed, following this answer would not be great for the manage and rooty. – Sandra K Jun 25 '19 at 18:46
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    @SandraK - not incomplete answer. Who cares? My answer applies to that as well. If I was rooty's boss, and someone called me and said, "rooty has been talking about how terrible you are to work for!" I would ignore them. I try to maintain an ongiong, improvement-based relationship with my employees. I'm already working with them to identify and solve problems. If I'm so far off base that they don't like me at all, then so be it, they can continue their search and move on. – dwizum Jun 25 '19 at 18:47
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    No, it means that that "what if" is not this situation, so pondering on that will hardly bring any benefit. We can also ask OP for clarification if they have done that... but again I think is not related to this post and what OP is currently asking – DarkCygnus Jun 25 '19 at 18:47
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    And on the other hand, if your boss is the kind of person who would actually react negatively to this sort of feedback, then good riddance - who wants to work for a boss that places more trust in a random phone call than in his relationship with his own employees? – dwizum Jun 25 '19 at 18:48
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    @SandraK but what if Rooty did not speak badly about his current employer, but the other manager just says he did? If you were Rooty's manager, who would you believe? – Solar Mike Jun 25 '19 at 19:26
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    @SolarMike I wouldn't believe the random stranger that just called me to tell me one of my employees is looking for another job (which I find highly inappropriate already). – Josef Jun 26 '19 at 07:09
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    @Josef my point exactly... – Solar Mike Jun 26 '19 at 07:15
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    @SandraK We don't know that rooty didn't physically assault everyone at the company he was interviewing with either. Would you be concerned if an answer didn't address that possibility? There are any number of things they could have done, if the answer has to address all of them, no one would be able to provide a sufficient answer. – JMac Jun 26 '19 at 11:52
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    I'm glad you would be/are a good manager. Keep in mind, though, that not every manager is reasonable. If they are, this is their attitude -- maybe with an extra helping of "What can I do to make this job better for you". If they're unreasonable, their response might be, "You went looking for another job?! How dare you! Well, fine, if you don't want this job, then you don't have it!" Is that stupid and childish? Absolutely. Have I met people childish enough to behave like that? Also yes. One of them is described in this very question. –  Jun 26 '19 at 19:33
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    @SandraK and that is (one of the many reasons) why you don't badmouth your current (or any former) employer when you're going on interviews. – FreeMan Jun 26 '19 at 20:32
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    I don't think this answers the question; what are you telling OP to do? You're not recommending an approach, you're just explaining your mindset. I agree that it is the correct mindset for a manager, but there's no guarantee that OP's manager shares that sentiment and OP might want to continue with his job search before leaving his current one; I mean he is looking for a new one after all. I think the best approach is not doing anything like the top answer recommends, but not based on OP's manager being good or bad. – Agustín Lado Jun 26 '19 at 21:10
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A friend once relayed a story of threats that resulted in him simply replying, “If that’s what you think you should do, then that’s what you should do.” I believe it applies here as well. It tends to make the other party realize his actions are not terribly concerning to you.

I’d focus more on your view of the work environment and your relationship with your boss. I’d suggest letting it lie until you hear from your boss. It is perfectly reasonable for someone to test the waters from time to time. If your manager deserves to be considered a true leader, he has interest in his people and doesn’t take a slave owner’s view of his team. It may even make him consider ways to keep you happy where you are. Just remember very few managers want to hire replacements. He’s unlikely to sink a lot of time trying to do so over retaining you.

Also, prepare your response. Be honest. Maybe focus on the fact that you turned down the offer. In your own phrasing, perhaps this might work: “Yes, I test the waters occasionally. This demonstrates that our company came out on top and serves to reinforce that I’m where I should be.”

To the threats, that manager has now emailed you proof and you plausibly could do more damage to him and his company than he’ll do to you. Beyond professional networking and company review sites, you have the option of forwarding his email onto his HR department and could probably find higher ups on LinkedIn if you truly wanted to get vindictive. That sort of escalation does come with other considerations of how he might retaliate, but I wouldn’t say you are wrong for doing so. And I wouldn’t threaten him back. I’d either choose to pursue that path or not.

SemiGeek
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I would suggest that the correct course of action is to escalate this to a higher authority at the hiring firm. The action this "hiring manager" is taking is very unprofessional and in some jurisdictions may be grounds for you to sue. You came to them in confidence to explore a job opportunity and attempting to blackmail you is actual extortion which is a crime if he does it for gain. Escalating it to a more sensible and professional leader in the hiring organisation will probably result in an apology to you and castigation for the hiring manager. Perhaps their HR department may be a good place to start.

JackCorn
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    go higher than HR – Old_Fossil Jun 26 '19 at 07:01
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    This course of action is not without risks since it makes it more likely the company will contact your manager out of ire..... but I would totally do this. Do unto them as they threatened to do unto you. – P. Hopkinson Jun 26 '19 at 12:24
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    This assumes the higher-ups are not corrupt, which is not necessarily a safe assumption; it sometimes starts at the top. If this is the case, then doing so is kicking the hornet's nest. – bob Jun 26 '19 at 21:49
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No matter the course of action taken that you've decided to take, you should consider posting a review on Glassdoor of your experience interviewing with this company

A consideration for doing so should be whether this could be traced back to you and whether the company would likely 'get revenge'. They may potentially have a lot of influence in your industry, particular if it is tight-knit like academia

SuperSecretAndNotSafeFromWork
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Depending on your jurisdiction, this may be extortion. I would consult with a lawyer, you may be able to file criminal charges against the hiring manager or sue for damages if he causes you to be fired from your current company.

sf02
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  • There's absolutely no reason you'd be fired from the current company, unless they were so psychotic that you'd be going with the new one anyways –  Jun 25 '19 at 23:38
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    @GeorgeM Some workplaces are that malicious. In other cases, if the company knows you're looking to leave then they're going to start looking for your replacement. If they find your replacement sooner than you find a new job you could still find yourself pushed out before you're ready. – BSMP Jun 26 '19 at 06:38
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    Even if the OP was not in danger of being fired (everywhere is different about this) the intent was clear - to cause trouble. This would be interpreted as a malicious act, although a court might not seen any way to assign damages to it - a court must be able to quantify damage in some way. – StephenG - Help Ukraine Jun 26 '19 at 09:29
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    @StephenG if OP is subsequently let go, the damage is clear. – Harper - Reinstate Monica Jun 26 '19 at 11:56
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    Op said he has received mail with that threat. I think op has enough evidence to send that unprofessional hiring manager to a labour court. I vote for suing. I would also consider speaking directly to police to avoid paying lawyer fees. In a lot of jurisdictions, extortion and defamation are criminal charges and police (not 911/112, you will go to their offices) will file a [criminal] charge to the prosecutor under no [economic] charge – usr-local-ΕΨΗΕΛΩΝ Jun 26 '19 at 11:56
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    @Harper that damage can be claimed in court once extortion is proven. The company that "hiring manager" works for is responsible for economic damages done by their employees – usr-local-ΕΨΗΕΛΩΝ Jun 26 '19 at 11:57
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    OK... the armchair lawyers need to settle down. Extortion requires an attempt to acquire something from the victim and there's no mention of this. Defamation would require a false statement; in most (if not all) jurisdictions, the truth is an absolute defense against defamation. Simply saying that you're going to call someone's boss to tell them about something you actually did is neither extortion nor defamation and you'd be wasting a lot of time, money and effort if you decided to pursue this course of action. – Dancrumb Jun 26 '19 at 16:25
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    @Dancrumb: Attempt to force someone to work for you, under your conditions, is an attempt to acquire something from them. If you don't believe this is extortion, apply an analogy where the line of work is sex work then realize the same principles apply to all work. – R.. GitHub STOP HELPING ICE Jun 26 '19 at 18:03
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    While what you describe would indeed be extortion, it's not what the OP described. The OP said: "the hiring manager [said] that he's very disappointed in me and he'll be calling my current employer to let them know I'm looking around." There's nothing there about attempting to force the OP to work for them, just a pretty petty hiring manager taking a swipe. – Dancrumb Jun 26 '19 at 18:19
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Reply to the hiring manager, thanking him for improving your negotiating position with your current boss. It may not be strictly true, but if you don't seem intimidated, he'll likely assume it isn't the threat he thinks it is.

If he does tell your boss and your boss raises it with you, just let your boss know you are always looking to keep your options open. Your boss is unlikely to try to get rid of you just because you are job hunting and might look for ways to keep you from leaving since it may be easier to retain you than replace you. Even if it's not that hard to replace you, it's still more hassle to hire and train a new employee before you've actually left -- unless your boss was already looking to get rid of you.

Kylos
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My response would be as follows:

"If you contact my employer, I will no longer have any reason whatsoever not to make your unprofessional email public. Govern yourself accordingly."

David Schwartz
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    Isn't disclosing a personal e-mail with the intention to damage someone's reputation unethical and in some cases illegal? – Dmitry Grigoryev Jun 27 '19 at 06:24
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    Likely that depends on the jurisdiction. And on whether said e-mail is a threat. – WGroleau Jun 27 '19 at 06:50
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    In case it would be illegal... There is nothing stopping you from telling other people that there is a guy at this company who does this. So you don't need to show the actual email to anyone. Just communicate that such a thing went down. It would seriously damage this company's reputation among potential future employees. Then if you are challenged on it, THEN you can bring the e-mail up. – mathreadler Jun 27 '19 at 07:13
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    @DmitryGrigoryev Possibly, and worth calling that out for sure. However... kinda worth it. Might be fun to do even if they don't follow through... You could always omit your personal information and distribute the email (complete with theirs). All sorts of reasons why not, but it'd feel good. – Brent Hackers Jun 27 '19 at 07:50
  • @DmitryGrigoryev It's not always unethical. This is one of the cases where it's definitely not unethical. As for it being illegal, I can't imagine what law you think it would violate. First, this email is not personal, it's commercial. Second, it's a response to someone who is threatening to make the commercial exchange public that responds by saying that the exchange being made public will harm both parties. – David Schwartz Jun 27 '19 at 15:48
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As an attorney I once consulted regarding a threatened legal matter told me, "I can't do anything for you UNTIL <* other party *> HAS ACTUALLY DONE SOMETHING. My advice is to go home, be polite to <* other party *>, and carry on as if nothing is going on BECAUSE IT ISN'T. When <* other party *> has done something, come see me". (emphasis mine) Best legal advice I ever got. IANAL, but if this clown of a prospective employer contacts your current employer, then you may have grounds for legal action - and if your current employer terminates your employment for this reason you may have further grounds for action. But until something happens act as if nothing has happened because it hasn't.

Bob Jarvis - Слава Україні
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Since no one discussed that what if hiring manager just phones and tell his current manager that this guy is looking for a new job ?

But I guess if you are open to new opportunities or if your CV is on a job board, there are still some chances for your employer to find out that anyway...

Be prepared if your manager asks you, "Are you looking for a new job ?"

If they cared enough, they will rectify the issues because of which you are leaving, if not, you gonna leave anyway, i guess, would you care much ?

Mathematics
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@JohnSpiegel offers a fantastic answer. I would want to make it clear that the threat didn't concern me, so I like it a lot and I definitely think it's the right thing to do, and close to the best possible answer to this question. Better than mine!

It really depends what your priorities are however.

Personally, being a bit of a hot-head, when someone tries to manipulate me unscrupulously I don't think I'd ever be fully satisfied by sending a neutral response, even if it worked. So I'd go with "I assume that your email was written in haste, and possibly distress, so I'm willing to let it go. But by all means prove me wrong. We'll see who ends up in need of a new job." ...maybe with more swear words. And if at all possible, I'd CC the highest ranking person in their organisation that I could acquire an email for. Satisfying. Which is by no means right because, as people have said in comments, there are risks associated with rattling cages, poking bears and kicking hornets nests, but I'd be willing to gamble in exchange for the warm feeling I'd get inside from pushing back at someone nasty with no morals.

Brent Hackers
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You should've told the hiring manager you will sue them if they do. For anyone with the smallest bit of remaining mental sanity, such a warning would've been enough to consider the possible consequences of their actions which ultimately gain them nothing at all, and to refrain from such a call as a result.

Dmitry Grigoryev
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  • It's easy to say what one should do in hindsight. – Philipp Jun 26 '19 at 14:54
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    Don't threaten legal action unless you actually plan to take it, and don't plan to take it without consulting a lawyer. – Quentin Jun 26 '19 at 15:00
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    What would be the legal case? – Barmar Jun 26 '19 at 15:39
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    @Dmitry. I am only really familiar with the law in England and Wales, but in that jurisdiction the case would be thrown out of court - probably before track allocation - and the OP would be on the hook to pay the hiring manager's lawyers. This is REALLY bad advice. – Martin Bonner supports Monica Jun 26 '19 at 16:08
  • @Barmar, In the US, it might be legally considered blackmail. IANAL, though. – donjuedo Jun 26 '19 at 16:30
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    @donjuedo Threatening to call the current manager if he doesn't accept the offer seems like blackmail. Actually calling the manager isn't. – Barmar Jun 26 '19 at 17:20
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    @donjuedo : It would be only blackmail if he demanded something from you in exchange for him not doing what he threatened to do. I'm not saying it's ethical, I'm only saying that it probably doesn't legally count as blackmail – Val Jun 26 '19 at 20:05
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    The UK legal case would be tortious interference with a contract - the contract being your current employment, and the interference being up to the court to consider if reasonable. Revenge/retaliation especially of this almost unheard of type, wouldn't usually be reasonable. If the threat was accompanied by an "unless you join us" or "unless you do [something] we demand" (explicit or merely implied) it would be an unwarranted demand with menaces - blackmail. – Stilez Jun 27 '19 at 00:49
  • @Quentin Why not? The hiring manager is obviously doing something inappropriate, and a threat (even an empty one) is likely to make him reconsider. – Dmitry Grigoryev Jun 27 '19 at 06:08
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    @Barmar There doesn't have to be a case, and even there is one, I didn't suggest to actually sue. Theoretically there could be grounds for a case if e.g. the OP loses their job over this. – Dmitry Grigoryev Jun 27 '19 at 06:14
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    @MartinBonner Where did I advise to bring the manager to court? You seem to argue with something I didn't even write. – Dmitry Grigoryev Jun 27 '19 at 06:17
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    So you're suggesting a counter-bluff? He threatens to call the manager, so you threaten to sue him. – Barmar Jun 27 '19 at 06:17
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    @Barmar Exactly. – Dmitry Grigoryev Jun 27 '19 at 06:21
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    @DmitryGrigoryev except what if he calls the bluff and does call the employer? Then everything falls apart. And the hiring manager would have probably checked if there is a legal case, so if there isn't that bluff is useless. – VLAZ Jun 27 '19 at 07:20
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    @VLAZ If the hiring manager does call the bluff and calls the employer, the OP will be in exactly the same situation as they would have been if they followed the advice from any other answer. – Dmitry Grigoryev Jun 27 '19 at 07:24
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    The country is very relevant here. In the Netherlands, the hiring manager calling your current employer to tell that you rejected their offer could be prosecuted under both civil and criminal law under a concept ("smaad") that is close to "defamation", except that the defaming claim doesn't have to be wrong. – Erwin Bolwidt Jun 27 '19 at 07:24