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A and B are from America and new friends to each other. They met in an online chat room in the evening and talked for a while. B worried about it's a little late and asked

when do you sleep normally

B worries about it is some kind of privacy. So, is it appropriate to ask that in America?

JJJohn
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    Hey JJJohn! This question right now is borderline 'tell me whether I'm right or wrong', which, according to our [help/on-topic] isn't a good question to ask on IPS. I have a feeling that with a bit more information though, we might help you better. Are A and B from America? Does B have a goal in mind when asking this? Why is B asking A this, and why is B wondering whether this would be appropriate? – Tinkeringbell May 19 '20 at 06:57
  • What are you worried about exactly? If you're friends, you're in their life. Privacy means something else. What kind of chat is it? Have there been previous instances where a got offended? – Raditz_35 May 23 '20 at 11:22

2 Answers2

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I live in America and the way I would usually ask in an appropriate way would be:

What time do you usually go to sleep?

It is important that this is within context. Ideally introduce the subject before asking the question. I would recommend starting with:

What time is it now for you?

Gabriel Diego
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  • Can you expand on why context is important to your recommendation? – Yosef Baskin May 20 '20 at 13:13
  • In the US it sounds weird to throw a question out of context, it is better to introduce the subject with a small talk question before a more precise one. – Gabriel Diego May 21 '20 at 22:45
  • True, because the question is not a passing comment on what hours people keep. It is not neutral, but sounds like a verbal move to the bedroom. – Yosef Baskin May 21 '20 at 23:20
  • I disagree with this answer. I don't think you need context if it's late. That's already context, it's night and late. Those are facts. I also don't think it's bad to ask things without context in most cases. Your answer kind of reads that you more or less only disagree with the exact wording, could you expand on that? – Raditz_35 May 23 '20 at 11:17
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As stated, the question could be taken wrong. Instead of asking an indirect question to get information you need to figure something else out, ask what you want to know directly so they aren't left wondering why you're asking them. Presumably you want to know if you're preventing them from sleeping, so just ask that:

It's getting a bit late. I'm not keeping you up, am I?

Then there's no doubt about having their privacy invaded or your intentions.

However, I would challenge whether you really need to ask this at all. If the other person needs to get to sleep, then they're able to say so without you prompting them. Even if they are choosing to stay up late to chat with you, that's their choice to make. It's a bit insulting to try to enforce another person's bedtime.

Kat
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