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I have a general problem of saying 'no' to people.

For example, when my friends ask me to go out with them, but I don't want to,
or when my colleagues ask me to do extra work that I don't want to do.

It seems I can't say 'No' to anyone. How can I say "No" to them without hesitation and without hurting them?

Tycho's Nose
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Nitu Sharma
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    yes, it is right I never said no to them. it's generally happens when my friends n colleagues are asking for somethings. – Nitu Sharma Feb 03 '18 at 11:59
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    it's too difficulty to say no them, because my friends are my family, and I don't want to hurt them to saying no. i'm 22 years old and I'm from vadodara, Gujarat. I never say no to them because of this reasons. – Nitu Sharma Feb 03 '18 at 12:03
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    I am voting to close as too broad, there are plenty of questions on this site about saying no in various situations already, if you narrow it down to something specific we may be able to help – Jesse Feb 03 '18 at 13:00
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    @Nitu Sharma We have been asked and have answered a lot of different questions about saying no, which you can read here: https://interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/tagged/saying-no?sort=newest If you feel that you still have a unique question, then please edit your currently closed question to add enough details, restricting it to a specific interpersonal situation, so that the close-reason of "too broad" can be cleared and your question reopened. Meanwhile D.Hutchison has written a very helpful answer for your situation here. – English Student Feb 03 '18 at 13:21

1 Answers1

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You need to work on being more in control of your own feelings and to not worry so much about how others will think of you - don't give people that much control over how you feel. It is very hard to do and takes a lot of practice and perhaps some talk therapy with someone you trust, e.g. a therapist.

Truly, this is a psychological problem in assertiveness that you can study and improve over time.

The interpersonal skills part of this is trivial, once you work out the deeper issue of being in control of your feelings. Then you will be able to say, "no, thanks" or "no, I really can't" much more confidently, instead of worrying about appeasing everyone around you.

With more training and experience, you might find that you can even anticipate ahead of time when certain people around you are going to ask you of something for which you want to say, "no", and you'll already know how to answer them with assertiveness.

As an example, if your friend asks,

"Nitu, are you coming out with us tonight?"

you can say,

"No, but thanks for offering."

If they ask again, you can say,

"No, thanks, I'm not really up for it. Have fun, though, and thanks for the invite."

Remember: the interpersonal skills part of this, i.e. how to communicate your way of saying "no" is not nearly as important as first understanding why you let others have so much control over how you feel, and then, regaining that control, with practice and reflection. Focus on the core issues.

D.Hutchinson
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    This is a very relevant and helpful answer for OP, and the downvotes are possibly just because the Q needed to be closed, @D.Hutchinson. I have struggled with saying no to people all my life and eventually learned that it's important not to compromise in my core areas: how to say no is less important than to *somehow* say no, and absolutely not do something you don't want to do: and it's a very empowering outcome! – English Student Feb 03 '18 at 13:35
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    thank you for answer @D.Hutchinson.. I will work on this thing... – Nitu Sharma Feb 03 '18 at 14:11