Over the past few operating systems I've been noticing a trend, especially after Apple screwed around with the real and fake "root" user in El Capitan. Most especially, using the locate command. Whenever I try to update using the conventional:
sudo launchctl load -w /System/Library/LaunchDaemons/com.apple.locate.plist
Which is prescribed by Apple when the locate command fails.
I've managed to use mdfind but prefer locate because I'm looking for files in the ENTIRE system and I don't care about keywords inside of files like MDFind echos, see here for more evidence of locate working better for this task than mdfind MDfind vs Locate. Thanks everyone, I will continue tinkering for now.