A failed, possibly autistic engineer.

Fluent in Korean, with basic proficiency in English, Japanese, Indonesian/Malay, and Mandarin.

Learned cybersecurity, the web, and industrial mechatronics — including mechanical, hydraulic, pneumatic, electrical, electronic, and software engineering (algorithms, x86 asm, C, C++, JS, Node.js with C++ add-ons, Python, Java, Go, Bash, WinAPI, OpenGL, PostgreSQL, Redis, MongoDB), debugging (logic analyzer, GDB, OllyDbg, IDA, Wireshark), web DevOps (PHP, ExpressJS, Fastify, HTML, CSS, Pug, EJS, Svelte, Socket.IO, ws, Wasm, Plotly, D3, PWA, Chrome extensions, Nginx, GCP, AWS EC2/RDS, Cloudflare R2/CDN, DevTools), container orchestration (Docker, Podman, K8s), computer vision (OpenCV), MCU programming (RPi Pico W, PlatformIO), motion control (Mitsubishi, ADI Trinamic), PCB design (Altium), 3D CAD and printing (SolidWorks, Bambu Lab X1C), part sourcing (Misumi, AliExpress, DigiKey, LCSC, JLCPCB) — just enough to apply and start a business, although not certified.

Played some CTFs. Rewarded Ξ1 by Guerrilla Mail (by Mr. Flashmob) for accessing the SMTP postmaster’s inbox via RFC-compliant quoted e-mail addresses, and a few hundred bucks for some reflected XSS’s.

Dropped all projects I found not feasible or not profitable as I’m running out of time. Building a rapid P&P machine to hopefully start a business out of it. Having another profitable web service business in mind.

Started engineering with ActionScript at 8 and C at 12, driven by isolation and lack of alternatives. Growing up with computers replaced the social experiences others enjoyed. Naively claimed “programming & gaming” as hobbies, not realizing I was deprived of social experiences others effortlessly enjoyed.

Trapped in the mire of situational depression that consists of social failures, isolation, and prolonged loneliness throughout the entire adolescence and adulthood, I found myself accumulating negativity. Picking up social concepts, the more I grasp how I got to this point, what they were doing with their lives, and how come they naturally had it, this gnawing sense of the lack only deepens. I feel like a misfit, born wrong to begin with. Daily retrospection into my empty past yields me nothing but misery.

To describe me further — In FOMO for years. Self-taught with trial-and-errors in this demanding world. Living alone for 7 years with a cat and well-organized items in labeled airtight storage boxes. Gripping my mouse horizontally, scrolling with my thumb, since childhood. Developed a decent voice at 19. Short and skinny. Trying to hit my macros, gain muscles, and be social. Rarely drinking alcohol although once interested in mixology. Never smoking. Staying hydrated with Coke Zero. Severely nearsighted with astigmatism. Suffering migraines preceded by a scintillating scotoma occasionally.

Written on May 1, June 15–18, December 15, 16, 22, 2024, January 17–19, and 24, 2025.